Choose Caring Over Judging 503.1
Every time my wife and I leave a Lakers game we're confronted by half dozen or more beggars with outreached cups. Usually we try to avoid eye contact and pass quickly -- annoyed rather than moved. I've got lots of justifications for this callous indifference:
"It's a scam."
"Surely, they have other options to begging."
"They'll probably use the money for drugs or alcohol."
"How can I give to one or two and not all of them?"
"If I give tonight, will I have to give every night?"
"If I give money, I'll just encourage more people to be beggars."
When all is said and done, it's a rather shameful exhibition of my ungenerous nature. Regardless of their character or hidden motives, these individuals are much less fortunate than I am. Why am I so unwilling to help? A dollar or two would be meaningful; $5 or $10 would be momentous.
The truth is, if every night I gave each one a dollar or even five, it wouldn't affect my lifestyle one bit. I spend more than that on snacks and parking. If I made it a point to carry a bunch of ones and fives, I could, without fanfare, provide a little bit of peace or pleasure to people who need it much more than me.
As I write this, I am resolved to choose caring over judging. Yet there is a lurking self-doubt: Will I really follow through or just find more reasons not to help? Perhaps some of you are also willing to commit to kindness. If so, we can provide moral support for each other. Let me know what you think.
After all, our character is revealed not by our best intentions, but by our consistent actions.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
Thanks for the newsletter. I would be glad to add an add on my website - you know the little button that would link others to your pages.
Send me instructions on how to add the html code ...
thanks
Barb Hauck
DM Independent ER
Posted by: Barbara Hauck | November 19, 2007 6:17 PM
I thought that your "Choose Caring Over Judging" commentary was good, however, as a woman I have to be careful. Most men can overpower women and anyone of these people asking for money could just grab my hand and overpower me. I usually see people asking for money when I'm driving in the car. Although I'd like to give them money, I do not because I have to consider my and my daughter's safety first.
Thanks.
Posted by: Daniela Romero | November 20, 2007 12:23 AM
I used to pass these people by. One day I stopped to think, what if their stories are true? Shouldn't we help the less fortunate? Since I wasn't sure whether they were just scammers or truly unfortunate people, I decided to err in their favor -- just in case.
Posted by: Elizabeth Polidan | November 20, 2007 7:10 AM
Brigham Young, frontier colonizer and Mormon Prophet, once said that of ten beggars, he would rather give to nine imposters than miss the one really in need. I agree and try to adhere to that philosophy also.
Posted by: Roger Helser | November 20, 2007 7:21 AM
I too used to think most beggars were scam artists until one day I tried to explain that to my kids who responded "How do you know?"
From that point on I have always tried to give something to anyone who begs: even those who now seem to ask for $12 or $14 for a specific need. I now try to engage them in conversation and pray God will guide them.
Our time, talents, and treasures are all gifts from God and we will be judged by what we do with the gifts. Whether someone is truly in need or not does not take away from the gift or help that is offered.
Posted by: Mark Diederich | November 20, 2007 10:02 AM
My friend and I just had the discussion of giving money to beggers and squeegy kids. She said she avoids eye contact and walks on. I give eye contact, have a quick conversation or wish them well and hand over a dollar or two. By looking them in the eye, it reinforces they are not invisible, they are worthy,and it is not up to me to judge what they do with the change. I try to leave each person I meet, feeling good; although I do not always meet my goal, it is a path I choose to take. Each individual I meet reminds me to walk the talk.
Posted by: shelley suzuki | November 20, 2007 4:12 PM
I was listening to Mr Josephson's comments about giving to beggers. This is something that I have come to terms with in the following manner. I will ask the person if they are hungry. If so, I will take them to the nearest place and buy them food, whatever they want. One lady ordered a meal that had a drink with it and wanted to know if she could also have a bottle of water. I said yes and she, after eating, took the bottle of water and got the money back. I don't care what she did with it. Once I have given something, it has no strings attached to it. As far as wondering if they would buy alchol or drugs with money we give, of course I would hope not, but these people are living the best they can and many are mentally ill so if they buy drugs, maybe they feel that is what they have to do to survive. I will usually spend more on food for them than the amount of money I would give an individual, but I still will give a few dollars and not miss it.
Posted by: Priscilla | May 29, 2008 9:51 AM
On a visit to a city I hadn't been to before, I decided to take a walk past midnight. I passed by a beggar sitting in front of a Walgreens. Those coming out of the store ignored her as she talked. As I was passing, I searched my pockets for change but did not find any. I paused, turned around and said "Sorry" and quickly continued my way. She yelled out "Thank you! Thank you for saying something!"
I happened to not have any cash on me. But when she said that, I thought I should enter the store, buy something cheap, ask for cash back and give the beggar some dollars. But I didn't. Instead, I felt afraid and returned to the hotel.
Since then, I always wished I had done what I intended to. And I've decided to try to "choose caring over judging."
Posted by: Ridha Abbas | June 16, 2008 3:35 AM