As Lily Tomlin said, "No matter how cynical I get, I can’t keep up."

Our economy has been shattered by widespread corporate fraud; kids lie, steal, and cheat at unprecedented rates; and parents beat up each other or referees at youth sports events or supply alcohol to fuel organized hazing. Our confidence in the integrity of journalism, accounting, stockbrokering, sports, organized religion, and business is continually shaken by a relentless barrage of shameful behavior.

It’s tempting to throw up our hands in despair and surrender to cynicism.

It reminds me of the tale of the pious young man whose car broke down on his way to his place of worship. He had to walk through an area where homeless people huddled against buildings for warmth, alcoholics and mentally ill adults wandered the streets, and crack dealers sold drugs to kids. He was overcome with a sense of despondency and doubt about the power and intentions of God.

"God," he prayed, "how can you allow all this pain and misery and do nothing?" Receiving no answer, he became frustrated and raised his voice, "Lord, my very faith is at issue! How can you allow this suffering and do nothing?"

Then someone behind him whispered, "He didn’t do nothing. He made you."

What a profound insight and daunting responsibility it is to realize that you can be the instrument of reform. That your courage, compassion, and creativity in your own sphere of influence can set into motion a ripple effect of healing actions and attitudes to make a better world.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

Years ago I heard a story of a dad named Paul who gave his young son a small chalkboard to practice writing on. One evening his son called out from the bedroom, "Dad, how do you spell best?" Paul told him.

Moments later, the boy hollered: "How do you spell kid?" Finally he asked, "How do you spell ever?"

When the boy presented him with the sentence he had written on the chalkboard, Paul expected to see "I am the best kid ever." Instead, the boy beamed as he gave his dad this message: "You are the best dad a kid can ever have."

Paul recalled that it was one of the best days of his life. In fact, he had to buy his son another chalkboard because he wanted to save this message forever and hang it on his wall. It’s still there.

Feeling appreciated is enormously important to adults as well as children. So much so that we often don’t think enough about what we’d most like to be appreciated for.

Being appreciated at work is a big deal. Who doesn’t want approval and respect from one’s boss and coworkers? Beyond the economic value of raises, promotions, and commendations, praise can be gratifying and motivating. That’s why good employers look for opportunities to acknowledge and thank employees for their contributions.

Yet as meaningful as work recognition is, if you could choose between winning your child’s "Best Dad a Kid Can Ever Have" award and being named "Best Employee," which would you choose?

The point is not to belittle the pursuit of approval in your business life but to remind you how much more meaningful it is to know you’re important to and appreciated by the people who love you and need you the most. And your most important job in life is to be worthy of that appreciation.

Being the "best ever" mom or dad, husband or wife, or friend -- it just doesn’t get any better than that.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (7)

I read somewhere that a person who has a positive restaurant experience is likely to tell three friends, but if he has a bad experience he’ll tell ten. Thus, there are two sides to the customer-satisfaction equation: Good service generates more customers, and bad service keeps new customers away and sends current ones elsewhere.

This compelling case for treating excellent customer service as an indispensible cost of doing business, however, runs headlong into a conflicting two-sided equation: Executives succeed only if they increase profitability, and a simple way to increase profits is to cut costs. This translates into mean and lean personnel strategies -- reduce the number of employees and keep compensation and training expenses as low as possible.

This year, Circuit City, a national electronics retailer, fired 3,400 of its highest-paid hourly workers so it could replace them with lower-paid employees. By doing so, it expects to reduce its costs by $110 million annually.

Since management had to know that letting go of its most experienced line-level employees – the ones who answer customer questions -- would both damage morale and reduce the quality of customer service, it must have concluded that employee and customer satisfaction aren’t critical.

In the next eight months, its stock price dropped from $25 to $6. Sure, other factors were probably at work there, but cutting customer service is an irrational strategy, especially in a business where customers want and need help.

Home Depot made a similar decision to trim its workforce and replace full-time workers with part-timers. This year its stock price plummeted from $40 to $27.

The long-term costs of failing to invest whatever it takes to create a workforce capable of producing positive customer experiences will always exceed the short-term savings.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:29 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (11)

Every major company I’ve worked with recognizes that the key to sustainable success is the ability to please its customers. In fact, identifying and exceeding customers’ expectations is often a core value.

Yet I’ve had so many disappointing and distressing customer experiences lately that even satisfactory customer service exceeds my expectations.

It seems the gap between rhetoric and reality is getting wider as legions of companies, focused so intensely on increasing short-term results, are failing to create the required infrastructure needed to deliver the customer service they say is so important.

Lots of factors go into exceptional customer service. Most can be compressed into what I call The Four Ps: -- products, processes, policies, and people.

First, a company should deliver high-quality products (or services) that meet or surpass customers’ needs at a reasonable price (usually referred to as value).

Second, the processes that govern the sale and delivery of products should make the transaction pleasant, convenient, and efficient.

Third, company policies affecting transactions should be fair and sensible in customers’ eyes.

Fourth, the most important element of customer satisfaction is the people delivering the service.

Exasperating experiences with premier companies convince me that many corporate leaders don’t truly understand the primacy of customer service and the indispensability of acquiring, training, and retaining knowledgeable, engaged, and friendly people.

This isn’t easy and it isn’t cheap. But just as prudent companies would not jeopardize their relationships or reputation by substituting inferior materials, they must not shortchange their customers by inflicting them with unqualified or indifferent people.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:18 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (9)

I run into a lot of cynics. The nicer ones commend me for my good intentions, but they all have one common question: "Do you really think your little 90-second talks about ethics and character make any difference?" Their message: You’re wasting your time. People are what they are, and nothing you say will make them change.

Do I feel like Don Quixote tilting at windmills? A salmon swimming up stream? A voice in the wilderness?

To be honest, sometimes I do wonder whether it’s worth the effort. But then I’ll receive a letter from someone who says he or she found something I said very valuable, and I get re-energized.

A good example is a letter I once received from a 13-year-old named Calvin. He thanked me for being a positive influence in his life saying my commentaries stimulated him to become kinder and less egotistical. It was better than vitamins.

My point isn’t to congratulate myself for making a difference in Calvin’s life; rather it’s to thank him for making a difference in mine.

It’s been said that unexpressed gratitude is like wrapping a present and failing to give it to the person you got it for.

Don’t underestimate the impact you can have when you take the time to make someone feel valued and valuable. Everyone -- children, parents, teachers, bosses, coworkers, even people you don’t know -- crave confirmation of their worth.

So if you want to make a difference in the lives of others, give compliments, express gratitude, and write notes whenever you can do so sincerely.

No act of appreciation is ever wasted.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:44 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (18)

Dear friend,

I hope it’s not presumptuous of me to call you a friend, but if you have been a regular reader of my commentaries, you know some of my deepest thoughts and I hope there has been some connection.

First, I want to wish you and all those you love a very happy and rewarding Thanksgiving holiday. I hope you will spend it among loved ones and open your heart to appreciate your good fortune. As I’ve written before, family gatherings can be a source of both great joy and stress. I hope yours is dominated by joy.

If it isn't a happy time for you, I hope you will take solace in past moments of happiness and the certain knowledge that if you just hang in there, things will get better.

As I am approaching my 65th birthday (December 10th) and the flood of feelings and fears that comes with acknowledgment of advancing age, I am more convinced than ever that the quality of our lives is determined more by our attitudes than our circumstances and by learning how to identify and appreciate the positive aspects of our lives (and overcome the tendencies toward cynicism, resentment, and disappointment).

That insight doesn’t make it easy; it just points the way.

Second, I want to express my thanks, my sincere gratitude to you, for making it seem worthwhile to express my thoughts on a daily basis.

I confess it is becoming harder for me to block out the time to write my regular messages, but the positive reinforcement I get from kind letters and comments of people I meet during my travels continues to inspire and encourage me. Your appreciation gives my life additional meaning.

Third, I want to personally ask you to financially support the work of the nonprofit Joseph & Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics. Any help you can give will be put to good use.

We have had an enormously productive year in terms of impact. We’ve extended our reach to about 7 million children and their families through CHARACTER COUNTS!. We're teaching and training thousands of coaches and athletes through special projects with the U.S. Olympic Committee, the National Association of Basketball Coaches, and the Los Angeles School District. And we're helping establish sustainable ethical cultures in a multitude of city and county governments, policing agencies, the Department of Defense, and major corporations.

Still, we struggle to break even and are frustrated because we can't do all the things we could do if we had more resources.

Sadly, we're even considering the necessity of asking a subscription fee for the commentaries. The voluntary donations we receive from subscribers doesn't even come close to covering the costs of this service I so much want to keep free.

As you may know, I accept no compensation from the Institute. I'm a full-time volunteer. This emboldens me to ask you to express gratitude for my commentaries and to give generously with a tax-deductible donation.

To donate, call 800-711-2670 or click here.

Sincerely yours, 

Michael Josephson

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:50 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

Although I get special pleasure out of hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my large extended family, the real burden of serving 50 or more people falls on the lovely shoulders of my wife Anne.

My big job is making 30 pounds of my special onion-laced mashed potatoes, always using my mom’s old pink-handled potato masher. But it’s Anne who deals with tenting the yard and organizing the feast, including three turkeys and a symphony of side dishes. So you can understand if her enthusiasm for the holiday is more muted.

There was a time when I thought she was going to resign. It was a week after she planned and hosted a business reception at our home for nearly 100 people and she was weary. She told me how she had come to dread the pressure and work of Thanksgiving.

Then, just as I was bracing myself to hear her renounce the job, she completely surprised me by changing direction. "This year," she said, "I have a whole new feeling toward the holiday. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and decided to be grateful rather than resentful."

She told me how lucky we are to have such a large and close family and the space and resources to provide Thanksgivings that our children will always remember.

Can you see why I love her so much? She taught me that gratitude is not always a spontaneous emotion; often it’s a matter of choice. It’s a perspective of appreciation that doesn’t necessarily make life easier, but it always makes it better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

On this Thanksgiving Day, I’d like to remind children of all ages to think about your parents and all the things you could feel thankful for. Even if you don’t have a perfect home life or ideal parents, it’s a good day to appreciate those who need affirmation, approval, and encouragement as much as you did when you were a child.

It’s natural to criticize your parents and be preoccupied with your own life, but this doesn’t free you from the basic responsibility to be courteous, kind, empathetic, respectful, and grateful.

Children, especially teens and young adults, often become so self-absorbed with their own lives that they really believe they’re too busy or too poor to be attentive to their parents’ emotional needs. They don’t make thoughtful phone calls or get even symbolic birthday, anniversary, or holiday gifts (with parents, it really is the thought that counts). Because their parents forgive them, they think what they did or didn’t do is okay. Well, it isn’t.

You have an enormous power to cause happiness or hurt. Sharing good news, even asking for advice, can give your mom or dad great pleasure and pride. If, however, you ignore, demean, or shut out your parents due to thoughtlessness or malice, you can cause enduring distress, even misery.

Good parents -- the ones who are easiest to hurt -- change their lives in thousands of ways for their children. They don’t do it for gratitude, but they deserve thankfulness. In a moment of despair, King Lear utters an age-old truth: "How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Ever since my dad passed away, I host my nine brothers and sisters and their families in a rented backyard tent where we serve a feast of turkey, my sister Susan’s cream corn, and my special onion-laced mashed potatoes.

Making the potatoes is especially enjoyable now that my four daughters join me in cleaning, pealing, mashing, and of course taste-testing. We always use my mom’s beat-up, pink-handled potato masher, and it gives me a chance to talk about the terrific grandma they never met.

This annual get-together represents the continuity of life. We never have everyone present anymore as the married nieces and nephews take turns between the Josephson Thanksgiving and one given by their in-laws. And hardly a year goes by without one or more births.

Inevitably, someone in the family is bearing the burdens of a personal tragedy while others are in the midst of a joyous occasion. Whatever is going on, it’s soul nurturing to pause and fill our cups with gratitude for all the things we have to be thankful for.

Although I sometimes feel like I’m wearing out, Thanksgiving reminds me how much I have to be grateful for.

I absolutely love being a dad. I adore each of my five children and get endless joy from seeing them grow and learn. I love being the husband and friend of Anne, a lady of endless talent and heart who has found fulfillment in her new venture, the Josephson Academy of Gymnastics. And, of course, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to share my ideas and possibly impact lives through these commentaries and other work with Josephson Institute.

This is Michael Josephson, one very thankful guy, wishing you a happy Thanksgiving and reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

Yesterday I mentioned how thrilled I am to be given the opportunity to work with the athletes who will represent our country in the 2008 Olympic Games.

My role is to provide Olympic hopefuls with information and inspiration about the ideals and values embodied in the concept of Olympism.

The U.S. Olympic Committee’s commitment to this educational program is based in part on a survey of leaders of the American Olympic movement that revealed near unanimity that these ideals and values are an intrinsic part of the Olympic Games and should be more consistently and effectively taught and promoted.

Pierre de Coubertin , the founder of the modern Olympic movement, believed that the significance of the Olympic Games would go beyond sports. He felt that international athletic competition could build a better society by providing examples of excellence in a manner that could unite the communities of the world in friendship, understanding, and peace.

The Olympic Charter says, "Olympism is a philosophy of life, exalting and combining in a balanced whole the qualities of body, will, and mind. Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example, and the respect for universal fundamental ethical principles."

A core part of Olympism is also embodied in the Olympic Creed, which elevates effort and striving in the pursuit of victory above even victory itself.

Although sports is sometimes called the toy department of life, the social and cultural impact of sports demands that we take them much more seriously. Hopefully, the newest edition of American Olympians will not only excite and entertain us, but enlighten and uplift us.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (0)

I have the heart and spirit of a great athlete. Sadly, I never had the skills. My peak sports achievement was lettering in high school basketball, but even that small achievement is less impressive than it seems. You see, I played on the "C" team reserved for those not good enough for the "B" team, junior varsity, or varsity.

Despite my unfulfilled athletic ambitions, I love sports, especially the Olympics. So when I was asked to carry the Olympic torch during a leg of the relay preceding the 2004 games in Athens, you’d think I’d won the Nobel Prize. I relished this honor and ignored comments suggesting I was selected as a representative of the "spectacularly unfit."

But my torch run was topped when I was asked to participate in a series of intensive training sessions for all the athletes who have a serious chance of being chosen to represent the U.S. in the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. What was really cool was I got to share this assignment with a handful of exceptionally successful, smart, and articulate Olympians from prior Games.

When I first entered the room filled with diverse but mostly young men and women, I was surprised that only a few looked like elite athletes. The rest were unremarkable in appearance, masking the one thing they had in common: They are among the best on the planet at what they do. Whether we’re talking about soccer or speed walking, that level of achievement is daunting.

As I met them, it was clear they had been invited to that room not simply because of genetic talent, but because of dedication and discipline. As in every other endeavor, competence gets you in the game, but character is the decisive difference.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

On many issues of morality we are deeply divided.

The volume and virulence of disagreement on issues like stem cell research, abortion, and gay unions is testimony to the undeniable reality that millions of Americans are lined up on opposite sides of a chasm, appalled at the ethical poverty of those with whom they disagree.

According to a May 2005 Gallup poll, about one-third of Americans think it’s morally wrong to test animals for medical research (30 percent), to buy and use animal fur (32 percent), to gamble (32 percent), to conduct stem cell research (33 percent), and for unmarried men and women to have sex (39 percent). At the same time, a very large majority believe such conduct is morally acceptable. One-third may be a small minority, but it’s a lot of people.

On the most socially contentious issues, the nation is almost equally divided -- with about 50 percent believing that doctor-assisted suicide, abortion, and homosexual relations are morally reprehensible.

On each issue, believers are sincere and passionate. No amount of discussion is likely to change their minds.

So what are we to do? As to what our laws will permit or prohibit, the majority rules, but the legal solution often intensifies rather than resolves the controversy. After all, morality is not simply a matter of voting.

But who’s really right and who’s wrong?

Although I have strong personal convictions on all these matters, I can’t honestly say I know. I only know what I believe. While it’s hard for me to accept contrary views, I can’t claim superiority in either intelligence or integrity -- lots of people I disagree with are smart people of good character. Is the opposite of a moral truth a moral lie?

Ideological intolerance evolves into self-righteousness, condemnation, and ultimately persecution -- and I know that’s wrong.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:53 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

Last week I attributed to John Wooden nine promises that bring happiness. Several listeners were alert and good enough to inform me that the true source is the Creed of Optimist International, a service club dedicated to bringing out the best in children.

I appreciate the correction and apologize for my error.

Last week there was another candid admission of error that didn’t get the attention it deserved.

During a CNN interview, Richard Armitage, former deputy Secretary of State in the Bush Administration who revealed the name of covert CIA agent Valerie Plame Wilson to two reporters, was confronted with a pretty harsh tape of Mrs. Plame calling his actions foolish and irresponsible. In a refreshing display of honesty and accountability, Armitage agreed with his accuser. "She’s absolutely right," he said.

In this case, his frank acknowledgment enhanced rather than diminished his credibility.

So why is it hard for so many people to admit they’re wrong?

For many, it’s pure ego. Some people would rather lose plausibility than lose face. Never appearing wrong is more important than always being right.

For others, it’s about dodging the consequences for their conduct.

That’s why people lie about why they were late for an appointment, about whether they said something they shouldn’t have, or about other things that would subject them to criticism, disapproval or, worst of all, civil or criminal liability.

Yes, it’s unethical, but it isn’t irrational. The truth is, self-incriminating statements often can and will be used against us.

That’s why the real test of character is admitting we’re wrong when it’s likely to cost more than we want to pay.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

I grew up in much simpler times. Television was in its infancy, and the idea of a hero was exemplified by a white-hatted cowboy. There was a clarity and simplicity to this hero’s moral code that left no doubt there was a right and a wrong.

As I became more sophisticated, it was easy to ridicule these simplistic approaches to ethics and living. Yet the more I learn, the more I’ve come to think there’s as much danger in muddying our choices into endless shades of gray.

Sure, there are extenuating factors and exceptions that challenge the validity of every ethical principle, but on balance we need clear prescriptive guidelines of virtue. Such standards are provided in the quaintly old-fashioned Cowboy Code promoted by the late Gene Autry:

1. Don’t shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage.
2. Don’t go back on your word or a trust confided in you.
3. Tell the truth.
4. Be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals.
5. Don’t advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
6. Help people in distress.
7. Be a good worker.
8. Keep yourself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits.
9. Respect women, your parents, and the law.
10. Be patriotic.

With a little updating, this code still works.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

Although 11-year-old Mark wasn’t much of an athlete, his dad urged him to play youth baseball. Mark liked to play, but he was constantly hurt by remarks from teammates and spectators whenever he struck out or dropped a ball. Just before the fourth game of the season, Mark told his dad he didn’t want to go. "I’m no good," he said, "and everyone knows it."

His father urged him to stick with it. "Just do your best," he said. "That’s all anyone can ask. Your best is good enough."

Mark struck out his first two times at bat, and each time looked over to his father, who struggled to look positive. In his last at-bat, Mark hit the ball solidly, the first time all season. It was a hard grounder to third, and the play at first was close.

When the umpire called Mark out, his father went wild. "Kill the ump!" he yelled. "Are you blind or just stupid? If you can’t do the job, stay off the field!"

On the way home, Mark broke a long silence, "Dad, you said all anyone can ask for is to do his best."

"That’s right, Son," his father assured him. "You did your best, and I’m proud of you. But that jerk of an umpire robbed you with a bad call."

"I wasn’t talking about me," Mark replied. "I was talking about Billy’s dad. He was the umpire. He was doing his best, but you got mad at him."

His father was taken aback, but he said, "Yeah, but he’s an adult. We should expect more out of adults."

Mark looked his dad in the eye. "That’s what I thought, too. By the way, I was out."

Despite his father’s good intentions, he didn’t set a good example. We should expect more from adults -- more fairness and respect, more sportsmanship and self-restraint. If your kids play sports, be a model, not a problem.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

The holiday we now celebrate as Veteran’s Day was originally called Armistice Day in tribute to the ending of World War I on November 11, 1918. Sadly, the "war to end all wars" didn’t accomplish that goal. In 1954, Congress officially changed the name to Veteran’s Day.

Too often we think of the term "citizen" only in terms of rights. Yet those we thank as veterans today demonstrated their citizenship in terms of responsibilities.

In our age of entitlement, President John F. Kennedy’s invocation that we ask not what our country can do for us but what we can do for our country may seem foolish to some. But it’s those who fritter away their lives in nothing more than shallow self-indulgence who are the fools.

In 1995, an Air Force pilot named Scott O’Grady was shot down during a flight over Bosnia. He was rescued by helicopter after surviving six days of being hunted by hostile ground troops. He returned home to a hero’s welcome, but he denied being a hero.

Looking back on what drove him to serve his country with honor and valor, he said, "It isn’t the reward that matters or the recognition you might harvest. It is your depth of commitment, your quality of service, the product of your devotion. These are the things that count in life. When you give purely, the honor comes in the giving. That is honor enough."

In a few weeks when you celebrate Thanksgiving, remember that thousands of Americans -- sons, daughters, parents, husbands, and wives -- are risking their lives daily on your behalf. To take a special moment to express gratitude for their service and to say a prayer for their safe return is your duty.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:39 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

Abraham Lincoln said, "Generally, people are as happy as they are willing to be." [Corrected wording: See letters about our original misquote in readers' comments below.] His point: Happiness doesn’t depend on what we have or what happens to us; it depends on what we think about what we have and what happens in us.

The great teacher-coach John Wooden said, "We seek happiness in the wrong places and in the wrong form. The primary cause of unhappiness is simply wanting too much, overemphasizing the material things. Happiness begins where selfishness ends."

His strategy to find happiness is to make and keep nine promises:

1. Promise to talk about health, happiness, and prosperity as often as possible.

2. Promise to make all your friends know there is something in them that is special and that you value.

3. Promise to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best in yourself and others.

4. Promise to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

5. Promise to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

6. Promise to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the future.

7. Promise to wear a cheerful appearance at all times and give every person you meet a smile.

8. Promise to give so much time improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

9. Promise to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit trouble to press on you.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (11)

I love technology. I’m regularly delighted by all the things it allows me to do -- from making wireless telephone calls to tracking down sources of obscure quotes to sending out e-mails of my commentaries to nearly 80,000 people every week.

But from my perspective as the dad to four girls ages 9-14, technology has a different face. It’s a dark forest full of unknown dangers. I don’t understand how text-messaging, instant-messaging, and e-mailing can substitute for personal conversation or how communication in abbreviated snippets and fragmentary thoughts is desirable.

The scariest of all are such websites as Myspace and Facebook where adults and children can post pictures, thoughts, and random musings and converse with each other in ways that are unfamiliar to me. I was happy to make them off limits.

Not so fast, Dad, said my articulate and clever 14-year-old. She made an extensive and persuasive case as to why she should be allowed to have a Facebook account, emphasizing wisely that she has always been level-headed and responsible and that I could even have her password so I could monitor everything. After an hour trying to understand how Facebook works, I relented, agreeing that we’d tell her sisters they had to get to high school before a similar privilege would be granted.

That plan didn’t last long. A few days later, her nearly 13-year-old sister e-mailed me a note (that’s not our normal means of communication): PLEASE READ. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. Attached was a PowerPoint presentation complete with photos, cogent arguments, and urgent pleas that she, too, be permitted to commune with her friends in this modern style.

I haven’t decided yet, but it’s clear I can’t escape the one relentless responsibility to parenthood -- making decisions.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

What do you think about this issue? Post your comments below.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (27)

Michael was always upbeat. Some found his relentless good moods annoying, but attempts to mock or belittle his cheerfulness were just more fuel for his good nature.

Once he explained to a friend how he did it. "Every morning I look in the mirror and say good morning to myself. I see a note on the mirror that says ‘Choose,’ which reminds me I have a choice: I can I let my worries and disappointments dominate my thoughts and spread gloom wherever I go, or I can choose to be in a good mood no matter what and spread sunshine. I’ve learned that when I’m enthusiastic about life, I feel better. Usually so do others.

Years later, Michael fell off a high tower and almost died. When his old friend visited him, he was bandaged and bruised but as cheerful as ever.

He told his friend that when he regained consciousness and saw the doctors look at him as if he were dying, he resorted to his old habit of making a choice. "I could accept that my injuries were fatal, or I could choose to live. I chose to live."

His friend remarked surely it wasn’t that easy.

"Maybe not," Michael said. "But when they were preparing me for surgery, a doctor asked if I was allergic to anything. I said, ‘Apparently I’m allergic to gravity.’ He laughed.

"When I said, ‘Look, I choose to live. Can you make that happen?’ he nodded and said, ‘I’ll do my best.’

"Maybe my positive attitude helped, maybe it didn’t. I choose to believe it did."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*This parable is derived from a similar story told in Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

When my daughter Samara was four, I showed her a delicate glass vase and told her it was my mother’s. I instructed her to "never, never touch it." Without hesitation she said, "Then you should never, never put it where I can reach it."

Her remark reminded me of an Oscar Wilde quote: "I can resist anything but temptation." Samara understood the power of temptation and shifted the responsibility to me. If I wanted the vase safe, keep it out of her path.

Unfortunately, we can’t always count on others to protect us from our weaker selves. In fact, lots of people will find advantage or comfort if we give in to temptation.

One way to protect ourselves is to build our moral willpower, the strength to overcome temptation, however strong. We do this by practice. As Emerson said, "We gain the strength of the temptation we resist."

Another is to consciously avoid tempting situations. As Mark Twain said, "It’s easier to stay out than to get out."

Even people of strong character can succumb to temptation at weak moments. So it’s reckless and arrogant to knowingly subject ourselves to avoidable seductive forces.

They say temptation usually comes in through a door that’s been deliberately left open, so beware of the tendency to unconsciously invite temptations.

If you’re on a diet, don’t let them bring out the dessert tray. If you’re on a tight budget, don’t window-shop, and leave your credit card at home. And if you’re committed to celibacy or fidelity, don’t get near situations where your resolve could be tested.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

As a former law professor, I know all about loopholes. I trained young attorneys to find omissions and ambiguities in wording to find legal ways to evade the clear intent of contracts and laws. Although I’m not any more, I used to be comfortable with this technique. After all, that’s what lawyers are paid to do. And despite public disdain for lawyers, it’s precisely what most clients want and expect when they hire one.

The fact is, long-standing traditional assumptions about the adversary system do justify the search for and use of legal loopholes. But strategies to evade the spirit of promises and laws put our integrity on a slippery slope.

Farther down that slope is the willingness to fabricate facts, lie about true intent, or falsely deny knowing or remembering things. These are fundamentally lies. They are dishonest and unethical in litigation, business transactions, and personal relations.

For example, a common ploy to evade limits on campaign contributions is to donate funds in the name of minor children. But falsely representing that the children actually exercised control and independent judgment isn’t just being clever, it’s fraud. The same is true for workers who falsely claim to be sick to take a day off work or to evade no-strike laws, parents who misrepresent their address to get their child in a better school or fudge their child’s age to qualify for a discount, and executives who backdate documents.

Exploiting loopholes is bad enough, but lying crosses the line.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

A friend sent me an e-mail with a link to a YouTube video telling me it was worth watching.

He was right.

What I saw was a Mr. Everyman named Paul Potts auditioning before American Idol’s Simon Cowell and two other judges for a new European reality show, Britain’s Got Talent.

Clearly, Paul, a paunchy, insecure 36-year-old cellphone salesman with bad teeth and a cheap suit, did not look like he had talent. When he announced his dream was to be an opera singer, you could see the skepticism, perhaps even sarcasm, on the judges’ faces.

Within 30 seconds, however, everyone’s preconceptions (including mine) were shattered by a powerful Pavarotti-like performance that literally brought the audience to tears and to its feet.

The performance was very good, maybe even superb, but I don’t know enough about opera to be sure. What I do know is the experience was deeply moving.

I watched the video four times and cried each time because it was inspirational to see and feel an underestimated underdog transform an audience, which was ready to mock his misplaced ambitions, into a crowd of enthusiastic well-wishers.

Even the judge’s “You must be kidding” attitude melted away as everyone rooted for Paul and felt uplifted realizing how much beauty can be hidden in such a humble package.

Paul went on to win the grand prize, including a recording contract and more than enough money to fix his teeth and get a new suit. His real gift, though, was not only his voice but his reminder of how wrong it is to judge a person by his or her looks.

I urge you to go to YouTube and experience it yourself.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

When John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, referred to the last game he ever "taught," he was asked about that phrasing. He said a coach is first and foremost a teacher who should not only improve his players’ athletic skills, but help them become better people. He was a superb teacher whose lasting influence is reflected in the values he instilled, not the championships he won.

Henry Adams said, "Teachers affect all eternity." As those who are taught will in turn teach others, instructors’ legacies can grow. Sadly, the way we select and reward schoolteachers and coaches shows how much we undervalue their crucial role in shaping the character and destiny of our children.

Even worse, we tend to forget that the primary, and by far the most important, teachers are parents. Good child-rearing involves more than providing food, shelter, and education. It also includes instilling good values and habits, teaching right from wrong, and showing how to make good decisions that are both effective and ethical.

Yes, it’s important to help kids become smart and competent, but as Teddy Roosevelt said, "To educate a person in the mind but not the morals is to educate a menace to society."

Parents need to be attentive and dedicated to assuring that their children have the tools to lead truly good lives -- lives with purpose and meaning and value. That means we need to teach, enforce, advocate, and model the best we want our children to be.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (0)