I am a father of 3 boys. The youngest is 11 and is getting a Facebook account. The rule we have is that you cannot accept a friend you do not know on the site. It doesn't matter if it is a friend of a friend, if you have not met them, then you cannot invite them onto your page or let them post you on their page.

Keep up the good work.

Dear Michael Josephson,

I love your talks, I agree with all of them – however I do not recall you ever asking for input and I am honored to do so today on your request for input on the use of the internet. I am double honored to do so since this application is based on my Fathers instructions to all seven children in our home as we grew up and I now use these methods as an adult with my children. I have had this talk many times with other adults on this very issue.

My Father worked for the LAPD twenty-five years. Dad was known by his peers and the journalists at the time and labeled as “the man of a thousand faces”, even Darrel Gates wrote about him in his book, yes – my father was in the business of disguising himself so that he could bust those who would take advantage of others in bars, parks and back alleys. Let us call this work undercover, bunko, vice and other positions on the department that enable the “good guys” to keep the “bad guys” in check. This is not a new thing and the internet has many areas that hide in plain site that one could be taken advantage of in one way or another.

The old adage; do not talk to strangers is what applies here. This is not a new thing. This puts a new spin on the issue of “Identity theft” We are not talking about taking someone else’s identity – this person just simply becomes a person of their own choice and portrays this image to others. What we have here is an identity issue, and this issue is a two fold thing – one; how to identify when a person is in fact a “stranger” and two; when and how this person graduates from a “stranger to friend”. This is a subject never taught either in school or by most parents. This ability to identify a stranger is a concept that children do not know as children talk to anyone! This ability to learn discretion is a thing that every person learns as a kid growing up. Some kids become “fair weather” friends and still other friends that make wrong decisions in life sometimes pay with a loss of the friendship status becoming an acquaintance. We learn these lessons, as we grow older and wiser.

Older and wiser as my Father surely was, I want to share his wisdom to educate a fellow parent in security and safety since our school system or culture has no want to do so. What I equate this to is somewhat like diapers on our children. No school seems to offer instruction on how to know when a diaper needs to be changed or how to accomplish the task. While this is a lousy job, someone has to do it. Why do I compare diapers with security, safety or identity theft with internet use you may be wondering? Some parents do not seem to know when to change diapers and you have to tell them, something stinks! Then they go looking for the problem. Still other parents check diapers with a finger before anything has even happened. The young parent learns by a person making a comment such as something stinks is the beginning and from there a proactive attitude of checking diapers with fingers keeps things in check. The use of anything by a child or for that matter any subordinate person to another individuals authority to oversee their behavior is what we are referring to here. When someone is using one of the communication devises that we now have the ability to use it must have some sense of acceptable behavior on our part and others to make things work properly for all involved. This is where parents need to be involved and to be involved we must be educated on what we are overseeing.

When my mother first encountered my use of a cell phone, she asked me if I wanted others to think I was a doctor for status or if I was dealing drugs. I laughed, as she did not see the need to have such an item, this was in 1985! I remember taking my family on a camping trip and giving a walkie-talkie to my kids so they could call us if need be, they were in fact just far enough away we would have to yell and did not want to do so in the camp ground. Since they were old enough to ask and be granted the ability to go further in distance away from us we gave them the ability to communicate with us at a distance as well. This taught us that even on these communication devices enabled “others” to monitor and speak with our children without our ability to stop it other than our training ahead of time. The internet is just another communication device. My mother has asked me why I feel that my children need to have their own computer and why they need to have a connection to the internet more recently. These questions were based once again on media reports about abuses of others. I reminded my loving Mother about Dads golden rule, not to speak to strangers. We used this rule in my early years at home together and have continued to use our golden rule now by passing this tried and true wisdom onto my children and any other listening person that will lend an ear. No matter what the communication type now or in the future if we do not train ourselves, our peers and certainly our younger generation (children) then we are going to be reminded “something stinks” (like the diaper) before we go looking for the problem. The real problem is that we are not educated about current communication abilities that our children are able to use and hence not educating them on proper use with respect to the golden rule, not to speak to strangers!

You may use any part of this as you would like,

Michael Keefer

Guidelines above are excellent.

In addition, parents and concerned adults (guardians, grandparents, etc.) have an obligation to check on facebook, myspace, youtube, blogs, and so on. I have my own facebook account and send little atta-boy gifts on facebook. (I make them private.)

Material on these sites is available to the public. If a child is posting something for the public to see, it is not snooping for a concerned adult to want to view this. If your child were on the local street corner screaming his his heart out, would you drive by and say, "I won't look. I don't want to snoop."

View your child's buddy info on AOL Instant Messenger. Some don't use it; some change it frequently. It's public. It often offers insight. Even "no Buddy info" says something.

Ask what sites your child likes, which ones his friends like, what screen names he uses, and so on. Let your child guide you through his favorite sites.

. . . and, yes, never speak to strangers or give them enough information for them to speak to you.

Very good post.

I posted something earlier, but it seems to have disappeared, so i will post a briefer comment here.

I am an avid Facebooker, and it has been fun reconnecting with friends and formers students. Like anything on the Internet, it needs to be carefully controlled, and minors should be supervised in their use of it.

For those who are not happy to let their young children onto Facebook (or any other networking website) have a look at epals - It allows parents and teachers to closely monitor what correspondence children make online and to protect them.

The website is www.epals.com - although there is an option to pay for "the bells and whistles" - a teacher or parent can make use of the basic features for free.

Children's personal information is protected and people can contact the teacher/parent through to establish links.

John

I am a mother of two teenagers. I am also a teacher. For my own peace of mind,I have my own Facebook account, and my kids and my students know I sometimes check on it. If I see something I don't like I talk to the kid and voice my opinion. Regularly kids remove the "friend", bad words or images from their Facebook profile. At least, my kids know I'm just right after them.

Michael,

In reference to your dilemma on Facebook: I suggest that you overlook the snazzy powerpoint attachment to your younger daughter's e-mail. You've made an agreement with your eldest daughter that only she has the privilege of Facebook by virture of her age and experience. To grant your younger daughter the identical privilege based upon her high-technology plea invalidates the idea that with age and experience comes privilege.

I've been researching how FaceBook and other blog mediums are affecting marketing. This creates new dilemmas for mass marketers, more specifically political candidates trying to energize a base. Blogging is not just a teen thing anymore, rational well established adults are joining in about every subject under the sun. While there is always concern for abuse among the young, we all must consider how to use this technology in productive ways that build character.

I prefer to believe it wiser to engage with new technological communication efforts. If we allow negative to exceed positive in these areas, do we not contribute to the problem? I actively view the "spaces" and "faces" of my children and am able to teach them accountability and character by doing so.

Michael,

I am a father of an 11 year old heading face first into an internet society she knows nothing about. As clearly conveyed by many, she is completely and entirely oblivious of the dangers that exist on the internet. (Isn't it horrible that a few ruin it for the literally millions who use the internet for its intended use? Sorry, I digress!) The horrible fact is that unless we wish to banish our children to their rooms they will find creative ways to get what they want. Remember, people, your home computer is *not* the only computer around. Your children have friends. And their friends have computers. There are computers in school study areas and in libraries. My point? Our children *will* find ways to get their accounts. Assuming I have even partially convinced you of this fact, the real question then is how can we, as parents, enable them to have what they will get (with out without your help), while keeping it safe and secure? We know for a fact that no amount of training on safety or ethics will help. (These are senseless kids. All kids at this age are. They're supposed to be!) We know that taking it away if they are senseless is a recipe for covert activity because it's so easy to get it behind our backs. We know we cannot shut down the internet. The problem is bigger than all of these things. And the answer is horribly difficult, and goes beyond our children to the very source of the problem: The identity thief. The person behind the veil that has a bad intention. That person we're so very afraid of. As users of **OUR** internet we have an obligation to enable legislation and laws harsh enough to really make these bad people sit up and take notice. Enable security reviews and audits within all of these free "self sites" to find thieves and bad people. And, upon finding them, enable a over-the-top severe punishment. Technology exists to help identify locations, browsing trends, psychographics, demographics, etc. The whole point is we need to create a public guidebook for the use of these that takes away the ability to hide, and we need to become more involved in creating the laws to watch, govern, and punish. Leaving it to kids and their cute little methods of convincing us to allow their access will be nothing short of allowing our children to get in the car with that stranger.

I have been using facebook for less than a month. I have created a group for my church so that everyone can exchange ideas in a safe place, since the membership in the group is controlled by me and one other. I have made contact with people around the world that I have known but lost track of. I joined a group of fellow alumni of my collete. I joined a group of soulmates in The Order of Saint Luke, a Christian community of clergy and lay mambers seeking to promote the observance of the sacraments often in our churches.
I am a mamber of the Silent Generation, I'm told since I was born in 1934. The young folks in my church think it's funny that us old folks are using facebook.
All my life I have tried to keep up with what the young people are interested in. It has given me an understanding of their world as well as enriching my own life.
If we do not participate in this, the fastest growing means of communication, we will be left behind.
I for one do not want to be left behind in any sense.
The social networking phenomenon is not new, the technology of the internet makes it possible to extend it beyond our local community, and include the world!
What's so bad about that?

Michael, I have been listening to you on KNX every morning for months. I have learned so much from your deep, profound thoughts and perceptions. I have forwarded your commentaries to two very special people in my life, and my son now 20 will get his copy too. Your messages are an epiphany, an inspiration to all and just remember, when it comes to values, and your intuition about your children, go with your gut feelings and not what they want to just appease them. RE: the commentary about FACEBOOK, or MYSPACE Its the most tragic thing to hit cyberspace and I believe as a mom myself, you must guard your teens against it. They might be the innocent ones, but we have predators out there that ruin it for all the innocent ones. I always stand by my intuition. I believe you should too. You are the best thing on radio today. Someday I would like to meet you and shake your hand, maybe even give you a deserving hug. You have inspired me to continue to write my own book, Its called, The "Internal Journal". If I ever get to publish it, (its a dream of mine)you will get the first signed copy. You are a gift from God.

Happy Holidays to you and yours, God bless,
Linde Clark

Our 17yr old daughter has both a myspace and a facebook. Our rules are no friends you don't know and you have to be "private." For the protection of all our kids, we also have eBlaster from Spectorsoft on the machine they use. We can see everything they put on the internet in an easily readable format. They know we can read it if we want. Be advised, you might find out more than you want to know!

Michael- Facebook, myspace, we are all now in the technology era. After sitting in a conference with a group from the criminal justice industry I have learned a few things. I am also a mother of three children, 16, 13 and 5. I must admit I am a "nervous nelly" when it comes to the "facebook" age. However, I have learned in the criminal justice industry and other business industries when hiring individuals for a job, employers are now searching the internet for potential employees "facebooks", "my spaces" etc, and taking a look at their "characters" by what they have posted on their "my space" and "facebook" accounts. So I guess Character really does Count! So, if you want people to know you and who you are, and you put it out there for the whole world to see...I guess I am now going to educate my high school junior to monitor his space and make it reflect who and what you are..because posts, pictures, etc..just might come back to haunt you...(more so if you are in your 20's and older than in high school, but I guess it is never to early to learn. As a parent, I am glad I learned this valuable information now, than if one of my children was in college and made an unfortunate mistake that could of cost them a potential job of a lifetime. Thanks for sharing your story....

Just don't let them drive a vehicle with a cell phone. It is terrifying to see folks swerve, pause, or jerk to a stop while using a cell phone. It even seems some of them are text-messaging while driving. What hath Man wrought?

This is what I wish: I wish that this culture, this society had a taboo established long ago and kept sacred to this very day and hence forth that it is unlawful for an adult that is not related to a child to speak to a child without its parents permission. (period)

Michael- I am the mom of two little girls, four and one, and my husband and I have already been talking about this subject in anticipation of the day our very savvy four year old launches her powerpoint request! While it would certainly make these decisions easier, I, like you, struggle with privileges of this sort being tied exclusively to age absolutes.

It is generally, but not always, true that "with age comes wisdom." However, I was raised with the parental ethic of "with demonstrated responsibility and good judgment come privileges." Because I was given many privileges and felt respected and heard by my mother (even when she was saying "no"), I had an intense desire to do the right thing and an aversion to disappointing a parent who demonstrated such a high level of trust in my judgment and integrity.

That most certainly does not mean that I was never told "no" or that I never made mistakes. It does mean that I never felt decisions were made arbitrarily with no basis in the realities of my own behavior or legitimate concerns over external influences beyond our control. There are legitimately frightening external circumstances in this arena that dictate an abundance of caution, a lot of communication with our children and close oversight. But then, isn't all of that what we signed up for when we became parents?

Each of us knows our own child better than anyone else ever will. In my opinion, these important decisions have to flow from that intimate knowledege, rather than an arbitrary threshold that doesn't consider our own children's unique abilities, insights and characteristics.

I don't know at what age I will allow my daughters to dive into cyberspace. I do know that they won't do it alone, that I will maintain access to their online activities, and that I will attempt to equip them with the proper ethical and judgmental "gear" to ensure they don't drown. And then I will hope and pray that it is enough.

This is an excellent topic for discussion. Michael I completely commend you for sticking to the 14 year old time line. I envy your ability to find a comfort zone even then.

As a very young single mom, of a 13 year old I find myself a little closer to her world than my comfort level would choose for me to be in some areas and this is one. It wasn’t so long ago that I was my child’s age. This somehow translates in her world to “you are supposed to be cool.” However, I was actually offended with a large amount of what is on these sites that are mentioned. “Cool no more”, is what I am. An adult has the ability to decide where they choose to go on these sites based on life experience, and I do not care for my daughter to have the same experiences I did. These sites don’t promote that goal (of keeping her the actual age that she is). As a parent I am going to offer her the freedom appropriate of her age, but keep my head above the sand where she wishes it was buried. I wouldn’t take my child to a Barnes and Nobles if it was 50% X rated adult material and I certainly wouldn’t drop her off anyplace with similar opportunities without a time limit! That rational translates to discussions like this, “unfortunately you aren’t going to sites or forums that have adult content beyond your control “and “you have 45 minutes on the computer.” I also know well that I wouldn’t ever send her into social situation where the activity and discussion lacked the parameters at minimum of “social norm.” As I mesh through the cyber environment, I notice there is a false sense of being “invincible” in the moment. Specifically, smorgasbord blogs and forums can be havens for individuals that have a lack of respect, enabling them to become comfortable in saying whatever they feel. Cyberspace lacks the instant physical experience, accountability, responsibility or repercussion for what a person says. If something derogatory is said in places like Myspace that means it’s actually written. It doesn’t leave the conversation but rather hangs out for anyone else to see that can access it. We had a few experiences where classmates whom were allowed to these accounts became horribly abusive amongst themselves and others. Right in the mix of these awful bulletins was something about my child. Sadly, she found out from all of the people who had been reading it. This required some serious work with her self esteem along with explanations of words I didn’t want for her to experience.

After attending a parent educational session through I-SAFE where they informed us that user accounts on MySpace are for those 14 and up, I felt even more secure in my decision to with hold the password to connect to the internet so that it is regulated. Like wise, the officer and federal agent that presented information on these sites definitely confirmed my hesitation when they showed us their own documentaries on how easily they engaged with minors who had high security accounts that were monitored. It was revolting at how manipulative someone seeking information from a child or teen can be, even when there is every intention of staying anonymous. Another topic they shed light on were cell phones and how they create an opportunity a parent normally wouldn’t give to their child. So as it is now, there will be no accounts until some time in high school. A cell phone will be provided when the license comes for emergencies. Her arguments might be good, but my reasoning is better. I will just have to keep the “overprotective mom” stamp and be un-cool!

I am amazed that we can't find more constructive things for our kids to do than sit in front of a computer for hours doing things like Myspace or Facebook. For someone who wants to have a carreer in computers, I can see it. For most kids, they should go outside and play, or actually have a physical visit with their friends. In other words, concentrate on the real world, not the virtual one.

Michael,
Couple of additional recommendations for you: 1) make sure your daughter(s) don't display their birthdays or home address on Facebook-keep this Private information, what should I say, private!
2) create a facebook account for yourself and connect with your daughter's account. When doing so, you have visibility into her friends list (without having to snoop using her password), what comments others leave for her on her funwall, and what comments she leaves for others. Not to mention, that you'll get to see the pictures they post for each other too.

I check on my nieces and goddaughters frequently through my facebook views and continue to fuel my confidence in them through my personal judgement of what I see and read. Good luck.

I strongly believe that web sites such as MySpace have no place in a minor's life. No matter how responsible the child is, is not the issue; any more than how responsible a driver they might be. It's the other driver we need to be wary of and the unknown outsiders accessing the minor's web site. The news is replete with stories of internet stalkers. I'm just old fashioned enough to believe your kids can contact their true friends by picking up the phone!

Definately obtain your children's Myspace passwords and read everything they write, and everything they receive, every day. Tell them you are doing it. Watch for signs that they have more than one account.

This may sound extreme to you, but my daughter, who you would never expect to get into trouble, did arrange meetings with an older man that she communicated with through Myspace.

My girl is a christian, honor student, champion of children with disabilities and lover of animals. She was 17 at the time, a High School Senior and was also the teacher's assistant in the special ed class. She was holding down a 30-hr a week job because she wanted to help me out. She had been nominated for student of the year by one of her teachers, and had applied for acceptance into the Special Education program at a local four year university. She has a heart of gold and in addition to that is truly beautiful on the outside as well. She is an angel.

I thought I could trust her not to be lured away; she seemed so perfectly on track. Even so, I had a Myspace of my own and her friends were my friends, so that I would get the bulletins my daughter and her friends sent. I monitored her Myspace page by reviewing the public comments and pictures, and her friend's myspaces for their public comments and pictures. But I found that was not enough. It was Thanksgiving weekend last year when I was alerted by something in the public comments, and I demanded her password at that time. I spent the holiday weekend reading the 1700 emails in the private portion of her myspace.

I learned that she had started to sneak out after I had gone to bed to meet this older man. There were no late night phones ringing to alert me, because it was all arranged through the Myspace email. I was shocked and sickened by what I read. The man's myspace publicly and graphically advertised his sexual perversions (defecation on the male, primarily). She was being picked up on the corner by the man who was providing her with booze and pot and had sex with her and at least two other girls. All of it organized through their myspace emails.

I immediately gave her a drug test and told her she was grounded until her 18th birthday, which was 2 months away. I had her sleep with me. I continued to give her random drug tests every week, and told her that if she snuck out again, or if she tested positive (after that first test) that she would not be having her 18th birthday party because she would be packing to move out. It broke my heart to tell her this, but I told her that I loved her so much that I had to stop her, somehow. I sent the man an email through his myspace account that I would have him prosecuted for statutory rape if he contacted my daughter again. He immediately took down his ad, but I had already saved it, and copies of all the emails. I contacted the county District Attorney and our city's sexual predator detective and learned that they would not be very interested in prosecuting the man because my daughter was so close to 18, and I could not tell them if he had any priors. I told my daughter I had done these things and that I was serious about it.

She straightened around, and later I heard her telling someone that her Mom had made all the right moves.

She was tested for STD's, and is healthy, amen, and it seems this episode is behind us. On the positive side, she was accepted into the special ed program at the university, and went on to compete for student of the year at the district level! She was also nominated by another teacher, and was awarded student most likely to make a difference! I am so very, very proud.

I tell you the gruesome details of our experience now with the hope that you might help yourself and others not to make the same mistake that I made. Do not underestimate the potential for harm. Know that your childen can communicate by email through Myspace with people who are not on their friends lists. You may review messages on some IM sites but not others, and so they are not allowed here. Be ever watchful, even when you cannot believe that you need to be.

A last comment; foul language is rampant in much of the email and I was surprised by the effect a weekend of immersion into it had on me. One can only imagine the effect it has on our children.

Michael,

I am a 23 year old fresh out of College. I went to school in Boston where facebook originated and was one of the few early adopters of the facebook revolution back when it was only for college use. I remember how students felt comfortable on facebook because it was limited to those in the select colleges that were available. I remember a facebook very different from today with much less information. Your profile once consisted of a tiny picture and some brief information about yourself. Today's facebook appears to be attempting to replace almost all forms of social interaction.

After reading most of the comments I must agree that this platform must be used in moderation. A simple profile with basic contact information and maybe some fun pictures is sufficient. It's also important to note that facebook has some major privacy flaws. Review the privacy settings with your daughters and set them accordingly. Marketing agencies are all over facebook and all that information is worth many billions of dollars. Keep a limit on how much of it you want them to know. I think it was a mistake when they opened facebook up to the masses it did a lot better as a college forum of friends.

Lastly I would say that for many of the early adopters we have all but abandoned facebook. The people who want to retain their social interaction have gone cold turkey on facebook. Some are fed up with getting messages from random people others simply do not approve with the Marketing ploys and direction the latest version is headed. Myself included have limited profile and are seriously considering facebook suicide. We can only hope that this social networking site catches on as a fashionable trend to be picked up toyed with and left in our adolescent history.

I don’t doubt that your daughters will follow your wise teachings and grow up to be important members of society. So I also agree with the strong importance you place on keeping them grounded in the real world and use the Internet merely as a secondary form of interaction. I hope this helps.

-Jeff Hayford

No doubt this new frontier in human communication is daunting to those of us who have reached a "certain age". But I can remember when my parents were adamant that I not hear anything from that bunch of hoodlums called "The Beatles".

At that time I was completely enchanted with the communication that was taking place between those hoodlums, my friends, myself and millions of other like-minded people all over the world. It was certainly a new frontier of communication.

Of course, there were problems with some of those enchanted people taking the new form and getting way out of line with it. And there were those like me whose life was made richer, more beautiful and passionate by the entire experience of growing up as rock 'n roll grew up.

We don't know what will happen next in this new age of technology. Our children's lives are so much more connected to and dependent upon technology than most of ours will ever be. We can't possibly know what the future impact of technology will be on our world community. There will certainly be pitfalls and bad people will, as ever, use technology to acheive their own ends. But the good that comes might just outweigh the bad - and probably a little leaven of caution will be necessary, and a large dose of hope that the lives of every living being on earth will get better as a result, is just as important.

The way our children communicate may change. The way I learned to communicate also changed and broadened. More communication can't be bad - can it? perhaps it will just be different!

Dear Mr.Josephson

I am sending this letter in response to your invitation regarding the insert that you did on your daughter wanting a site on My Space. It's a coincidence as I was discussing this very topic regarding the availability of the internet and cell phones to children with my grown offspring just this weekend. My children were raised with the principal that (I consider children as anyone under the age of 18) ALL adults must be shown respect, no matter who they are. As children the final word as to what they would be allowed to see as entertainment, act socially with their friends, and generally conduct themselves was to be up to me or their mother. Finally I am a strong believer in one "paying their dues in society". In my mind a child has no business being allowed to participate in many adult oriented entertainments, sports, or other areas where adults participate in activities geared towards them. Today we see "precocious" adolescence in and around situations that they have no business participating in and allowed by their parents to be put in those positions. My children were not allowed to date until they were seniors in high school and did not drive until their last semester. My theory is that experimentation is a natural and necessary part of growing up. If that experimentation is postponed until a child is 17 or 18 the natural progression will lead to them doing so in adulthood where hopefully they will have more common sense and life experience to make the right decisions. If a child starts with this social awakening at 10, 12, or 13 as is so prevalent today... well you know where the inevitable road will take them.

Now back to the subject at hand. As I wrote before I was discussing this subject with my children...today's technology, and I made this statement. Under NO circumstances would they have been allowed to have an internet connection hooked to a computer in their room. Any research to be done on the internet would be done on a communal computer in the family room or somewhere an adult was likely to be present. They would not be allowed their own email account. Any email coming in would be sent a parents email account. If they had cell phones at all they would be locked to only allow calls to and from approved numbers. Nothing makes me more disgusted than a pack of 10 -12 year old girls running around a mall unattended with cell phones glued to their heads. I feel this gives them the perceived attitude that they are all important and a rationalization for a lack of respect and civility that no child needs to have. Again, where are they learning the proper place for a child of that age to act in society? They certainly don't realize they are actually young children, not adults who should not be accorded adult privileges.

Finally, to answer the question you put to the public " should your daughter(s) be allowed a My Space Site?" My answer is absolutely not! Why? Because no matter how persuasive their arguments or Power Point Presentations are, they are 9 and 14 year old CHILDREN. I look at web sites like that as to be used by adults, for adults. A child should no sooner be allowed to participate in sites like that than they should be allowed into adult shows in Las Vegas. There is plenty of time in their future when they are adult to participate in sites like that. But for now they are children and should be made to understand that there are someplaces in this world that are reserved for adults and as children they will not be permitted to participate in them. If more parents sat their kids down and said " Look, your a child. There are places and things that are reserved only for adults. Someday when you are an adult you can go there too." a lot of the problems we are having today with our children would be eliminated. They MUST be made to understand their proper place in society as children and have to wait and "pay their dues while gaining the maturity to become an adult and hopefully make adult decisions.

Michael Meyer
A KNX Los Angeles listener

MySpace and Facebook have become desparately important to children and teens today. However, it is important to realize some facts. First, MySpace had 80,000 KNOWN sexual predators at one time. Yes, these were "kicked off" at one time, but it is believed they are all back on by now. Why? Because there is nobody monitoring all this. People can log on and say they are 14 and in reality they are 52. Also, there is no way to keep your information "private." Your friends friends friends can see your information. Many believe that Facebook is much safer. However, Facebook was recently sued because they lifted privacy structures that were in place. Although these privacy structures are back in place, how does anyone truly know when the owners of Facebook will lift or change security software in the future? It is important to understand how a predator can gain information from a facebook or MySpace site that could give them information about the child's neighborhood, school day, what school they attend, when parents are home, phone numbers, and much more. Also, once a picture is posted on a site it can be deleted at the facebook site but it has been shared with the virtual world permanently.

If you attend ANY seminar on technology and your children, they will tell you that under no circumstances should you let your children have a spot on either MYSPACE or FACEBOOK no matter how old they are! The opportunity for perverts to use your child's photo in obscene ways as well as the possibility that they may try to find your child in order to act out some sexual fantasy are enough to make any parent put a firm foot down about using these places to post information, photos, etc. I am frankly surprised that at this time, after all the problems that have come up concerning this, there is even a discussion. In my house, the answer is a firm NO! I urge other parents to take the same stance. Better safe than sorry.

Dear Michael,

I have two grandchildren 9 and 12, so I certainly understand your concerns. My suggestion would be a two-fold one. The need to communicate seems very strong. Find out what other kids are doing, thinking and going through and relating their own feelings and life experiences are exciting and fun. Why not help a child from a country that does not have a computer in every home or even in a village. Why not have an old fashion pen pal. Of course security is an issue here as well. But there are many well-known organizations that would surely help you in this area. Sharing the experiences with someone from a faraway land with a totally different culture and lifestyle would be a positive experience for both children. And who knows the art of handwriting a letter might make a come back, if only for a short time. Your daughter will more than likely enjoy sharing her unique experience with her friends. Then when the time is right you can make good on your promise. It's a win win situation.