One of the great challenges to humanity is acknowledging and overcoming our natural tendency to think less of and discriminate against people who are different from us racially, ethnically, religiously, or ideologically.

Despite persistent rhetoric about prizing diversity, political debates often reflect disdain and contempt for those we disagree with, and prejudices of all sorts are more readily stated. Indeed, there are disturbing signs that anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, and anti-Catholic attitudes are rising throughout the world.

A poem written in the 1970s by James Patrick Kinney called "The Cold Within" reminds us what’s at stake:

Six humans trapped by happenstance,
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back,
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking ’cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught, except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave,
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death’s still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn’t die from the cold without.
They died from the cold within.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (4)

Whenever I'm asked to give a commencement speech, I'm intimidated by the challenge of finding something to say that is profound and practical without being trite. I haven't succeeded yet, but that hasn't stopped me from trying. So here are some thoughts for graduates:

• By all means, set goals and go after your dreams, but know that your ultimate happiness will depend not on your plans but your ability to cope with unexpected turns and unavoidable ups and downs. You may not get what you thought you wanted, but if you're willing to adapt, you can get something even better.

• Don't ever underestimate the power of character. If you want to win, don't whine. Success is made from hard work, perseverance, and integrity, not luck.

• Listen to both your heart and your head. Pursue your passions but don't confuse feelings with facts. Almost nothing is as good or bad as it first appears, and all things change.

• Remember, pain and disappointment are inevitable, but tough times are temporary. The enduring impact of experiences and the true nature of relationships are only revealed by time. Persist with confidence that no negative emotion can withstand your will to be happy.

• Fill your life with laughter, but don't confuse fun or pleasure with happiness. Don't sacrifice a thousand tomorrows for a few todays.

• Live within your means, and don't overestimate your ability to resist temptations that threaten your relationships or reputation.

• How you make a living is important, but how you make a life is vital. If you don't pay attention to your personal relationships, no amount of career success will be enough.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:21 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

It was extraordinary. With two seconds left, Brent Barry of the San Antonio Spurs took a shot that could have won a crucial game in the NBA playoffs. As he turned to shoot, he was bumped by a hard-charging Laker. Barry’s shot missed. No foul was called. Game over. Lakers win. It was a heartbreaking loss for San Antonio players and fans.

I’m a Laker fan, but it looked like a foul to me, which would have entitled the Spurs to free throws that could have sent the game to overtime. I hate it when a great game ends in a controversial call.

I expected the Spurs to claim they were robbed (a claim made more believable because the referee had a history of protested calls against the Spurs). But Barry refused to blame the official. It was a “a good defensive play and no call.”

Did I hear right? Amazingly classy, I thought, but wait until they ask “pull no punches” Spurs Coach Greg Popovich. He could have gotten the fans off his back and blamed the officials, but he didn’t. “If I were refereeing,” he said, “I would not have called a foul.”

No excuses; just more class.

In fact, good sportsmanship is breaking out all over the NBA. Winning and losing teams refusing to gloat or taunt, rejecting excuses about injuries or bad calls, greeting opponents warmly before games, congratulating them graciously after losses. Is this really pro sports?

To lots of passionate sports fans, this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Being commended for good sportsmanship is like a beauty contestant winning the Ms. Congeniality Award – it’s not what you came to get.

But when it’s done right by great athletes, sportsmanship isn’t just wholesome; it’s awesome. And with all the ready criticism I and others have heaped on pro sports in recent years, the NBA deserves praise.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*Laker coaches and players have been just as classy during the playoffs, always speaking politely and respectfully about their opponents. It’s what good role-modeling is about, and it certainly hasn't dulled the competitive edge for anyone.

Laker player Kobe Bryant has matured wonderfully. His interviews are excellent examples of winning with grace and losing with dignity, and his refusal to use his back or finger injuries as a reason for subpar performances has been outstanding.

I was even more impressed with the way Spurs star Manu Ginobili handled himself after two poor performances in the opening games of the series. Interviewers wanted to explain his ineffectiveness as a result of fatigue or an ankle injury. Ginobili refused. Clearly upset with himself, he was totally accountable. “I played horribly. I owe my team better.” He made no excuses.

This was an impressive display of real sports machismo. Despite my Lakers loyalty, I found myself rooting for him to do well in the third game (which he did, only to have another bad game in Game 4). I’d vote for him for “class” president.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:42 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" In a world increasingly dominated by unapologetic selfishness, this idea may seem quaint and outdated. Yet, for those who have a grand vision of their purpose and value, striving to be of service is not only a noble thing to do; it's the best way to lead a truly fulfilling and significant life.

The poet William Allen Dromgoole put it this way:

An old man going a lone highway
Came at the evening, cold and grey,
To a chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Through which was flowing a swollen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim,
That swollen stream held no fears for him.
But he paused when safe on the other side
And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old Man," said a fellow pilgrim near,
"You're wasting strength with building here.
Your journey ends with the ending day.
You never again must pass this way.
You've crossed this chasm deep and wide.
Why build this bridge at the even' tide?"

The builder lifted his old grey head,
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today,
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.

This swollen stream that was naught for me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He too must cross in the twilight dim.
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him!"

This is Michael Josephson reminding you to build bridges for someone because character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:41 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (0)

Our nation was conceived by idealistic and courageous political leaders, but it was preserved by the immense and immeasurable sacrifice of millions of soldiers who fought and died to transform the democratic principles embodied in the Declaration of Independence into a country we proudly call the United States of America.

Foremost among these principles is this profound and poetic proposition: “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” This is what our flag stands for, and this is what more than 600,000 men and women have died for.

Unfortunately, democracy is neither neat nor easy. Thus, every time our leaders have sent American warriors to fight under our flag, there has been controversy about their policies. It’s every American’s right, and possibly patriotic duty, to stand up and be counted on such momentous issues. The hard thing is to do so with some humility, remembering that even the long lens of history doesn’t always reveal one clear truth about the politics of war.

This Memorial Day occurs in the midst of continual news of fresh wounds and fatalities suffered by men and women who put their lives at risk doing their duty to defend our safety and ideals. There should be no controversy about our duty to be unified in devotion to and support of these loyal compatriots, and we should express in every way we can unconditional and unreserved gratitude and reverence for their noble service.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:53 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

Why are so many corporations and government agencies spending time and money on ethics surveys and training? What’s the ROI – return on investment? Is it about doing the right thing because virtue is its own reward, or is it about doing the smart thing because good ethics pays and bad ethics costs?

Although I wish it were otherwise, appeals to self-interest are more compelling than appeals to conscience. The best way to get the attention of executives is to talk in terms of risk management.

It’s easy to make the case that dishonest, irresponsible, or illegal actions can be enormously costly. Thus, responsible leaders understand the value of creating and sustaining an ethical workplace culture.

Meaningful efforts, however, need to go beyond codes and classes.

Codes of conduct are important to provide a framework for compliance. And training courses can teach legal requirements, raise ethical consciousness, and encourage employees to do the right thing. But unless ethical values are advocated and enforced in everyday decision-making, the risk of reputation-damaging and resource-draining misconduct will remain high.

In an ethical culture, values and character play a prominent role in recruitment, employment, orientation, in-service training, performance reviews, and discipline.

In an ethical culture, formal and informal incentive systems promote honesty, moral courage, responsibility, and fairness. Contrary behavior is risky, not simply because it harms the organization, but because it endangers the careers of those who take moral shortcuts.

In the workplace, you get the behavior you reward. Character counts – if you count it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

A cynic once observed: “The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” In the cynic’s world, being believable is more important than being truthful.

Thus, credibility – the capacity to inspire trust in our words – is a vital asset, whether or not it’s earned.

Authentic credibility, however, isn’t about fooling people into believing you; it’s about being worthy of belief. This requires not only sincerity but objectivity, the ability and willingness to form and express honest judgments unaffected by emotions, prejudices, or personal interests.

The credibility of an umpire, judge, or restaurant critic, for example, depends on our confidence that they will call it as they see it, letting the chips fall where they may. The credibility of TV commentators who express personal opinions also depends on sincerity and objectivity, especially when they speak on matters beyond the knowledge of the average person.

A few years ago, it was a big scandal when syndicated columnist and TV host Armstrong Williams sold his credibility by accepting thousands of dollars from, of all places, the Department of Education to convince his audiences that the No Child Left Behind Act was a good thing.

Recently, The New York Times published an exhaustively researched 7,000-word investigative article revealing reasons to doubt the objectivity, and perhaps the sincerity, of most of the military analysts on network and cable television who give their views on our war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The undisputed (to my knowledge) essence of the article is that the experts are part of a massive Pentagon public-relations program designed to produce a cadre of credible sources who will promote favorable perspectives.

It’s troubling to discover the heavy hand of the Pentagon shaping public opinion with what amounts to a propaganda campaign, but the complicity of major television networks in parading covert PR agents of the government is even more distressing – as is the failure of the rest of the media to give this story the attention it deserves.

Who’s watching the watchdogs?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

I once heard the chairman and CEO of a huge public company tell a roomful of ambitious, hardworking, dedicated executives that if he had to do it all over again, he would have spent more time with his family. That's not news, but to Type-A personalities, it's easier said than done.

David L. Weatherford's poem "Slow Dance" sends the message in a particularly compelling way:

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun fading into the night?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow,"
And in your haste not seen his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
'Cause you never had time to call and say hi?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It's like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life is not a race, so take it slower,
Hear the music before your song is over.

The question isn't whether this makes sense to you. It's what are you going to do about it, and when are you going to start?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

While helping draft Josephson Institute's 1999 Arizona Sports Summit Accord – a declaration of ethical principles for youth and collegiate sports – John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches of all time, inserted the language that "a coach is, first and foremost, a teacher."

This anchor concept has greatly influenced our Pursuing Victory With Honor sportsmanship campaign and spawned the term "teacher-coach."

Although Coach Wooden was an extraordinary basketball skill-builder and strategist as well as an intense and passionate competitor who always wanted to win, his teaching domain went beyond athletics. He never measured the success of his coaching in terms of wins or even championships. He understood that his unique relationship with athletes gave him both the power and the responsibility to shape their attitudes about honor, integrity, and fair play.

His highest goal was to bring out and enhance the very best in the young men who played for him. He continually sought to instill in his players a rich array of values and virtues associated with good character.

Today’s sports environment is so preoccupied with winning that true teacher-coaches like John Wooden seem to be a breed on the way to extinction. Many collegiate coaches are paid huge sums of money, and it’s not because they’re superb educators or character builders.

Millions of youngsters play sports. Think how much better they and society will be if they’re lucky enough to play for a teacher-coach. We shouldn’t settle for anything less.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

An old legend tells of a French monastery that was well-known throughout Europe because of the extraordinary leadership of a man known only as Brother Leo.

Several monks began a pilgrimage to visit Brother Leo to learn from him. Almost immediately, the monks began to bicker as to who should do various chores. On the third day they met another monk who was also going to the monastery.

This monk never complained or shirked a duty. Whenever the others would fight over a chore, he would gracefully volunteer to do it himself. By the last day, the other monks were following his example, and everyone worked together smoothly.

When they reached the monastery and asked to see Brother Leo, the man who greeted them laughed. "But our brother is among you!" pointing to the fellow who had joined them late in the trip.

Today, many people seek leadership positions not so much for what they can do for others, but for what the position can do for them: status, connections, perks, or future advantages. As a result, they do service primarily as an investment, a way to build an impressive résumé.

The parable about Brother Leo teaches another model of leadership, where leaders are more preoccupied with serving than being followed, with giving than getting, with doing than demanding. It’s leadership based on example, not command. It’s called servant leadership.

Can you imagine how much better things would be if more politicians, educators, and business executives saw themselves as servant leaders?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (12)

I just spent two days with elite athletes who are trying to represent our country in the 2008 Summer Olympic Games. I can tell you, if you want to raise the blood pressure and lose the respect of people serious about sports, demean their passion by telling them, "It's just a game" or "Winning isn't everything."

To those who devote substantial portions of their life to sports as athletes, coaches, or administrators, these naïve clichés belittle the importance of their goals. In the world they live in, winners are respected and rewarded; losers are eliminated and unemployed.

Of course, winning isn't everything, but that doesn't mean it isn't anything. Winning is a lot. It's the golden ring that motivates great sacrifices and justifies hard work. The challenge is to honor the passionate pursuit of victory, yet keep it in perspective. Sports enthusiasts tend to overestimate the importance of victory and underestimate the fun and learning that can take place.

Many youth-sports coaches rate winning so highly that they think a child would rather sit on the bench of a winning team than play for a losing team. Surveys show they're dead wrong. Kids like to win, but it's the adults who need to win.

If we teach our children to love the process more than the result, to find pleasure in competition and play, not merely victory, we'll give them a lifetime gift of renewable pleasure.

This is the essence of Olympism expressed in the Olympic Creed: "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (14)

Although I regard honesty as a fundamental and important moral principle, I’m not an absolutist about truth.

That’s because I also believe in kindness, gratitude, and respect. Sometimes pure truth can be senselessly brutal. If a friend gives me a gift I hate or a loved one asks, “Do I look fat?” I'm willing to elevate kindness over candor.

I also encouraged my children to believe that the tooth fairy was real, and I lied to dispel unjustified fears in my daughter. I would also lie to terrorists to save innocent people, and I approve of undercover operations to catch criminals.

Sometimes lying is morally justified.

Having said that, most of us lie too often, and most of the ones we tell, including those we call "white lies," are unjustified and more harmful than we think. Often, lies we justify as kindness are really told for our convenience or to avoid embarrassment or unpleasant consequences.

The moral core of honesty is not about truthfulness, but trustworthiness. People of character don't always tell the unvarnished truth, but they’re always trustworthy.
The next time you consider telling a white lie to someone, ask yourself how that person would feel if the lie were discovered.

Will your lie be viewed as an act of kindness or cause feelings of betrayal and distrust? Will the person feel cared for and respected or manipulated? If the falsehood plants seeds of doubt and suspicion and raises the question, "What else have you lied to me about?" you've crossed the line.

Trust is fragile. While being truthful may take moral courage and tact, it’s usually better to be honest.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (14)

In view of a heated exchange of letters about lying generated by my commentary concluding it was wrong for a parent to lie about his address to get his child into a better school, this true story about one of my lies may shock and offend some listeners.

When my daughter Abrielle was four, she came running down the hall in a visible panic. “I don’t want to die!” she screamed. “I swallowed a stone and I’m gonna die.”

Nothing was obstructing her throat, and I assured her, “It’s okay, you're not going to die.”

“But I swallowed a stone!” she repeated. “A blue one!” She thought blue stones were particularly deadly. A babysitter had told Aby she could die if she swallowed things she shouldn’t put in her mouth.

I told her there was no danger, that the stone was in her tummy and would come out when she went "poop."

She ran to the toilet crying, “I want it out now!" She started pushing so hard, it looked like a blood vessel would burst. She was frightened and desperate.

Moments like this test and refine your values. Truth and reason weren't working. So I lied.

“I know what to do,” I said, and I ran to get a spoonful of maple syrup. “Here, swallow this syrup. It will melt the stone.”

“Really?” she said.

“Absolutely,” I answered.

She swallowed the syrup and, after a moment, announced triumphantly, “Daddy melted the stone. I’m not going to die.”

The emergency was over, but I felt horrible about lying to her. Fearing she might never trust me again, I told her the truth a week later. She smiled, gave me a hug and kiss, and thanked me for loving her so much.

Was I wrong to lie? I don’t think so in that instance. What do you think?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (24)

When a pessimist is told there's light at the end of the tunnel, he's likely to assume it's an onrushing train. According to journalist Sydney Harris, "A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he's prematurely disappointed in the future."

Pessimism and cynicism are fashionable these days, but it's the people who see and celebrate the positive aspects of life who live best.

According to a well-traveled story, when Tillie died in her nineties, her friends were taken aback when they viewed her body and noticed a fork in her right hand. Tillie knew this would provoke questions so she had instructed her pastor to give anyone who asked about the fork a copy of a signed note that read:

"I'm glad you asked about the fork. I've been to lots of church socials and potluck dinners in my life, and one thing I've noticed is when the dishes and flatware for the main course are being cleared, someone usually says, 'Keep your fork.' I loved that part because I knew dessert, the best part of dinner, was coming. So even as I pass from this life, I wanted a fork in my hand to remind you the best is yet to come."

British wit Samuel Johnson called hope a species of happiness. To the extent we can discipline ourselves to choose our attitudes, it only makes sense to think positively and be hopeful.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:44 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

Years ago I came across a poem entitled "The Man in the Glass" by Dale Wimbrow. I looked it up on the Internet and discovered a website maintained by his children. It contains the original version written in 1934 and published in The American Magazine as "The Guy in the Glass." Here is that version containing timeless truths about integrity.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father or Mother or Wife
Who judgment upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Judging from the devoted words of his children, Mr. Wimbrow never cheated the guy in his glass.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

Mothers. What class of people has been more glorified or vilified?

On the one hand, there’s the idealized image of selfless, wise, patient, and loving maternal perfection celebrated in greeting cards, songs, and “I Love Mom” tattoos.

On the other are the darker stereotypes of the controlling, never-satisfied, self-absorbed mother responsible for the insecurities and hang-ups of her children; the wicked stepmother of fairy tales; and the interfering mother-in-law depicted by stand-up comedians.

Hardly anyone’s mother fits any of these images. Real moms come in an infinite variety of packages, including an array of virtues and faults. What’s more, our attitudes toward our mothers are so often distorted by the memories we choose to emphasize that it’s hard to know the objective reality – if there is one. Thus, some approach Mother’s Day with love and gratitude while others find themselves fighting or indulging feelings of resentment.

I’m on the gratitude side. My mom died in her early forties of breast cancer shortly after giving birth to her sixth child. I wish I’d had her longer, but my memories are good ones.

Now Mother’s Day is about the greatest mother I’ve ever known, my wife Anne. Although I appreciate mothers who’ve made other choices, I marvel that this beautiful, smart, and funny graduate of an Ivy League college chose to shelve her personal ambitions in devotion to the most difficult, important, frustrating, exhausting, and fulfilling job in the world – being a mom to our four little girls.

So for me, no greeting-card tribute is too corny for the mother I will honor and thank this Sunday: my friend, companion, and lover, Anne.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:39 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (4)

Ben's first duty as a new pastor was to conduct a funeral service for Albert. Since he didn't know the deceased, Ben paused from his sermon to invite members of the congregation to say a few kind words about Albert.

No one budged.

"Many of you knew Albert for years," Ben politely nudged them. "Surely someone can say something nice."

After an uncomfortably long pause, a voice from the back of the room finally said, "Well, his brother was worse."

If you died tomorrow, what would people say about you? Would it make you proud of the way you lived and the choices you made?

There's an old saying: "If you want to know how to live your life, think about what you'd like people to say about you after you die – and live backwards."

Thinking about the legacy we want to leave can help us keep our priorities straight. When the end is near, it's not likely any of us will say, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." Unfortunately, many of us only begin to realize the value of the time we have after we've frittered much of it away in shallow ruts going nowhere important.

It's hard to think now what will matter later. But doing so can dramatically improve our chances of living a full and meaningful life with few regrets.

Knowing how we want to be remembered allows us to make a strategic plan for our life. How much wiser would our choices be if we had the wisdom and discipline to regularly ask ourselves whether all the things we do and say are taking us where we want to be at the end?

We write our own eulogy by the choices we make every day.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

Greg and Marge have two children, and they’re unhappy with their neighborhood schools. Greg’s sister suggests they use her address as theirs so they can send their kids to a better school in her neighborhood. What should they do?

Good people face this situation all the time. It makes the "end-justifies-the-means" argument seem awfully attractive. There is no shortage of rationalizations. "Everyone does it." "The system's unfair." "We’ve got to do what’s best for our kids."

The fact is, lying to get kids into a better school may help their academic education, but it will play havoc with their moral education. And that can’t be a good thing for kids.

First of all, everyone doesn’t cheat. Second, this scam doesn’t involve just one lie; it requires living a lie. Every time the kids are asked where they live, they must lie. They'll either grow accustomed to lying in a way that most assuredly will erode their integrity, or they'll live in constant fear of being caught. Either way, they lose.

If the system of restricting residents to local schools is unfair, lying makes it worse. Yes, doing so can help the liar's family, but so can stealing. All dog-eat-dog strategies benefit some at the expense of others. That’s why they’re unethical.

Look, I don’t want to minimize the hard choices parents have to make. But it would be a mistake to underestimate the consequences of taking the low road.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:29 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (54)

Trustworthiness is essential to good relationships, and honesty is essential to trustworthiness. But being honest isn't simply telling the truth. It's also being sincere and forthright. Thus, it's just as dishonest to deceive someone by half-truths or silence as it is to lie.

But when does honesty require us to volunteer information that could be damaging or hurtful?

Should you say something when a good friend at work has begun to dress or act in a way that's damaging his or her credibility and generating ridicule? What if you find out a friend's husband (who is also your friend) is having an affair? Do you tell your brother bad things about a woman he's involved with?

These types of situations are extremely volatile, and it's easy to rationalize silence. It's a lot easier on you and, besides, telling hard truths, however well intended, can seriously damage relationships. Yet silence could also be viewed as a betrayal of trust when it's later discovered that you knew important information and withheld it.

When the ethical principles of honesty, respect, and caring are in conflict, there's no single right answer. If you're faced with such a situation, consider these four critical factors: motive, tact, tone, and timing.

1. Be sure and pure about your motive. Your intentions must be honorable, and you must have the well-being of your friend at heart. It's not about you.
2. Choose your words very carefully.
3. Avoid self-righteousness or accusations.
4. Choose a time and place that lends itself to a frank interchange.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

Last week, Sara Tucholsky, a 5-foot-2-inch softball player in her senior year for Western Oregon University, was playing in a big game with Central Washington University. Both teams were vying for the Division II NCAA playoffs. Sara, who was batting less than .200 all season, hit the ball over the fence with two runners on.

She had never hit a ball out of the park before, even in practice. She was so excited, she missed first base. Realizing this, she turned to go back but collapsed in agony as her knee gave out. Her first-base coach yelled that she had to crawl back to first base because if anyone on Sara's team touched her, she'd be out and her home run would be nullified. Her coach encouraged her to try to crawl around the other bases to preserve her home run, but it was out of the question.

That's when the star player on the other team, Mallory Holtman, asked the umpire if she and a teammate could carry Sara around the bases. It was an unprecedented request from an opponent fighting for a playoff berth, but the rules allowed it. Without hesitation, Mallory and shortstop Liz Wallace lifted Sara and carried her, lowering her to touch each base with her good leg.

To Mallory it was simple: "In the end, it's not about winning and losing so much; it was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain and deserved a home run."

Mallory was right. It's just common decency.

Sadly, such kindness isn't common at all in sports, and that's why all the coaches, players, and spectators who were stunned by this spontaneous act of sportsmanship wept. And that's how Mallory became a national hero.

By the way, her team lost 4-2, but in my eyes, everyone won.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (10)

Dave had to undergo painful throat surgery. Since he made his living as a professional speaker, the experience was frightening and traumatic.

He told me his surgeon was skilled and the hospital workers were competent, but the cold indifference of the parade of nurses and doctors who came in and out of his room was one of the most depressing, demoralizing, and dehumanizing experiences of his life.

They treated his disease rather than treating him as a person with a disease, often talking in front of him as if he were a dumb animal who couldn’t understand what they were saying. Although they were assigned to his care, they acted as if they didn’t care. Their behavior was outright toxic.

I can understand why medical practitioners keep an emotional distance from human suffering as a form of self-protection. And I understand how confronting difficult and demanding patients as well as pain, disease, and even death on a daily basis can form calluses around the heart. But when professional distance translates to disrespect, it’s a form of malpractice.

The job of medical professionals is not simply to cure disease but to care for the overall well-being of patients. They do their job best when they help patients get better and help them feel better.

What saved him, Dave said, wasn’t the pain-killing drugs but the attitude of a few nurses who uplifted his spirits by simple acts of human decency – a smile, a kind word, a compassionate expression or tone – that conveyed the message that they cared.

We have to love and admire those who can bring their hearts to their work. Mental sunshine and flowers are powerful medicines.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:19 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

Fifty years ago, President Dwight Eisenhower declared May 1st Law Day to honor the critical role of law in our unique Constitutional democracy.

Try to imagine what our lives would be like without laws. There would be no way to enforce our contracts, regulate the way people drive, trust the safety of our foods and drugs, or protect us from our neighbor's dog. Without laws to create and protect our right to free speech, religion, privacy, and fair trials, the liberties we hold so dear would be nonexistent.

Laws establish standards of behavior that are necessary if we are to have an orderly, peaceful, just, humane, and respectful society.

Yet today, it's popular to express disdain for the law, especially those that regulate controversial conduct such as using stem-cell research; allowing same-sex marriages; buying automatic weapons; and dealing with criminals, suspected terrorists, and prisoners of war. This is understandable. Such topics generate passionate convictions worth fighting for.

Still, these areas of intense disagreement are precisely the ones where we most need democratically enacted ordinances. Without respect for the law, our society could devolve into constantly warring factions where physical power rather than popular vote would win the day.

Rules define our expectations as well as our standards of right and wrong. Whether we're playing a game or running a family, school, company, or community, clear and specific rules backed up by consistent and just enforcement make our lives more fair, efficient, and safe. And I'm all for them.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (8)