I strongly disagree with this argument. Most of the students who attend my school are a mixture of students who did not want to attend their home school for various reasons, a few that are very dangerous, the education level is not at its best, and to them you're only a number and not a name. Sure it is a lie, but it is a lie that doesn’t hurt anyone. They receive a better education, have a better chances of being challenged educationally and they will receive a safer environment.

I agree with Mr.Josephson. Lies tend to have a snowball effect: they get bigger and bigger as times goes on. Parents should lead by example. If they try to justify a lie to their child, they are hindering them tremendously. The child will grow up thinking lying is ok.

I'm convinced that attending a good environment school is very important for the fact that the children attending will suffer from low self-esteem if the school environment is not safe.
Therefore it would be fine to lie about an insignificant address number because it is for the benefit of the children. As long as the children understand, once they are older it will not affect them.

I DISAGREE WITH THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE LIE ON THEIR ADDRESS....I MEAN, ONLY BECAUSE IT IS A BETTER PLACE AND A BETTER ENVIRONMENT DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE GOING TO GET A BETTER EDUCATION...ANY SCHOOL HAS GOOD QUALITIES AND GOOD RESOURCES...IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE STUDENT AND THEIR INTELLIGENCE.

I think he is right. The kids will become liars and that’s not cool. Like my neighbor, he is going to Montclair and his home school is Pomona high school. He had to lie and yeah that is true the kids do become liars. My neighbor lies not only about where he lives but about everything. I also wanted to attend Montclair but my parents did not let me and I think they knew what could have happened to me if I were to attend that school. And I am thankful to them for not letting me attend that school because I see my neighbor and I don’t want to be like him.

My sentiments exactly...

I find myself in a situation right now where my nephew is unsafe at the school he attends and needs a new one. I live across the street and in the same district as his current school and my sister would like to use my address to get him in. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I do agree that lying is not a positive behavior, but I also would do anything possible to protect the safety of my child. This situation is not black and white. I would rather lie knowing that my child was in a safe and nurturing environment daily rather than in one that is, like my nephew's, eroding his self esteem through the racial prejudice of the area and in a neighborhood where gang violence is rampant.

What is sad is that this problem even comes up. All schools should be good. It shouldn't matter where you live. Parents should have more say and be more involved in their children's education.

I somewhat disagree because sometimes a little lying can't hurt. A school's system is formed the way it is for a reason, but sometimes it's just easier to get a child into a good school. It doesn't mean you have to live a false life. As long as you have your own children, understand why you're doing what you're doing. People need to relax and look at it from the positive point of view. Besides, we live in a dog-eat-dog world, right?

When we were faced with our children being in an unsafe school, we chose to move. Understanding that everyone's economic situation is different and that moving may be easier for some than others, it's a better choice when setting an example for your kids.

Our school system has open enrollment so parents who are concerned about their children can sign them up without having to lie.

Or if you are truly concerned about your child's education, do what we did and sacrifice and send them to private school. That might mean driving an old car and not going on fancy vacations, but it sure beats lying!!

Wow...this fits in so nicely with an Action Research Project I am working on with a colleague. Part of our project is a survey on ethics in school. Guess which student respondents believed it was OK to change parking permits, lunch passes, copy homework, text friends during a quiz, etc.? If you guessed the very same students with parents who lied on addresses to get their kids into our school, you would be correct! We have open enrollment and still parents lie. The behavior of the parents DOES reflect on the choices a student makes. I am so saddened by the "anything to get ahead" mentality. If you as a parent don't like your home school, either get involved with the school to help improve it, look into open enrollment, or move. Don't lie.

"If you are not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem." Lying is lying. There is no such thing as an OK lie. Perchance, your brother or sister should give and/or swap their house so your address will be correct.

I agree wholeheartedly. We are in a low to avg school district but are surrounded by some great school districts. Three families on our block choose to lie for their children's sake. But I for one will stay and fight for a better school for all our kids. Taking the easy way out always hurts someone.

No one is hurt?
The neighborhood is fractured. Who wants to be friendly with a family who thinks they deserve more than yours? The school district loses money--everything is based on average daily attendance.
If you truly value education and safety, why don't you work to make the local school better? Your kids get a false sense of entitlement. It's a lose-lose situation. Don't be so eager for the quick fix; they rarely last the test of time.

Every time I see a parent make an illegal left turn on their way into the high school parking lot, I think about what they are teaching their child and future driver. "It is okay to do what is expedient for you, regardless of the law or the rules." This school situation is very similar. "It's okay to lie because it will be better for you." Don't be surprised if the children who benefited from an ill-gotten education at a "better school" turn out to be prone to manipulating situations to suit them, regardless of what is right.

To lie about this would be conscripting the children and the whole family to continue living with the lie, thereby teaching them that it is OK to lie to get what you want. It is a black and white issue.

How sad and unfortunate that so many people have entered comments stating their disagreement with Mr. Josephson. What a sorry state of affairs!

These are probably the same people who did not see anything wrong with a US President who lied (on national TV) rather than "face the music" for his actions. How quickly we forget that Clinton looked everyone in this country in the eye and lied when he said, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

How will our children ever learn honesty and integrity when their parents lie, and in turn teach their children to lie? The end is never justified by the means when it means a compromise of ethics like this.

Unfortunately, these parents do not understand their responsibility as role models to their children. Sooner or later their actions become transparent to their children, and the lesson learned is that it is perfectly OK to lie to get what you want. The "do what I say and not what I do" mentality does not work in teaching right from wrong.

No doubt these same parents will be astonished when their children lie to them about drugs, about underage alcohol, about unchaperoned parties, etc. The parents should not be surprised because, after all, they taught their children that it is perfectly OK to lie and to have no respect for authority.

A recent extreme case in South Africa illustrates the harm. Working-class, and for the most part, uneducated parents who live in the rural areas of the Eastern Cape were not satisfied with the standards of the state schools in their province so they lied about their residential addresses and placed them in Govt. schools in Pietermaritzburg over 300 km away. In order for them to go to school, the children have been staying in illegal boarding houses that have had to be shut down by the authorities.

Jenny, your nephew's situation sounds terrible - what about offering to accommodate the boy during the school term so he can truthfully claim your address, and your sister could then help by paying toward his upkeep?

It's obvious from many of these comments that there are a lot of lying, unscrupulous people out there who don't have good character and will obviously justify their bahavior 9 ways to Sunday. The fact is, if more parents stood up for their neighborhoods, their schools, and their kids, we wouldn't have bad schools. Showing character means actually getting off your complaining butts and actually doing something about it. For all of you who think lying is okay in this situation, I challenge you to get involved! Join your PTA, join your neighborhood-watch programs, unite with your neighbors, and affect positive change in these crummy schools. Schools are bad because too many parents DO NOT take an active role as good neighbors. All of you who do not agree with Mr. Josephson on this one are lazy good-for-nothing complainers who do absolutely nothing to improve the situation in their children's schools. You're taking the lazy way out and that is completely contradictory to what Mr. Josephson is trying to teach us. If all of us got involved with our children's school and in our neighborhoods, we wouldn't have bad schools. Your attitude is just as bad as the schools you're complaining about. Have some character, grow a backbone and be good examples to your children. Do we really want a generation of people who will do anything to justify their bad behavior, whether it's lying about an address or being a good neighbor? I find it interesting that so many people are so uninvolved in their neighborhood and with their neighbors and then wonder why their schools are bad. Your ethics show why this is so.

I read "Sure it is a lie, but it is a lie that doesn't hurt anyone". That is a very disturbing and unfortunate comment. And it's ignorant because every lie adversely affects someone!

Everyone's child matters. Instead of lying to get your child into a better school, what could be done to improve your neighborhood school so that not only do your children attend a better school, but your neighborhood becomes a better place for all children?
Encouraging children to lie for any reason is a huge mistake. Something as simple as telling your child to say (s)he is 5 to get the cheaper buffet price or movie ticket plants the seed that when it works to your advantage, lying is ok.

I agree with Michael. Our local government school system has "magnet" schools that allow parents to send their children to other government schools within the district. The best choice, however, would be to remove their children from the government indoctrination centers altogether and either home-school them or pay for private school.

We have very good schools in the county where I live and there are kids who attend our school and do not belong in this school county system. First of all we pay higher taxes in this county which means it costs us more for each child who attends. When a student comes in and does not belong in this school, we taxpayers of this county are paying for them. Our classroom student-to-teacher ratio has also changed. The awards and recognition that are given to the students who don't belong here are now taking away from students who do legitimately belong. Not only is it lying, but now stealing. Just because a lie will benefit someone doesn't make it right. It's not relative. A lie is a lie. Stealing is stealing. There are no gray areas. If that were the case, then if a cop pulls you over for no reason and you ask him why you are being pulled over and he says you were speeding when in fact you were not (but the reality is that police department just needed more revenue), does his lie, which will benefit the police department, become okay? I say not!

My parents faced the same situation when I was growing up. We were selling our house, and unfortunately the new buyer was insistent that we move out within thirty days. That meant my brother and I had to move to a new district at the end of the school year. The worst time of the year to try to find new friends and "fit in". My parents considered NOT telling the district we were moving. After all, it was only a month and a half, right? The district was completely uncooperative and insisted that if we didn't live there, we couldn't go to school there. At first, I was so hurt. And the transition was difficult. But in the end I RESPECTED my parents' honesty and the fact that they did NOT lie when they COULD have. (Withholding information and simply not notifying the district is a form of lying and cheating.) The dog-eat-dog and "everyone does it" arguments simply don't work. Those arguments are precisely why we have so many problems in the schools and the workforce today. The ends DON'T justify the means.

I am dismayed at the number of people who agree that lying is ok. You are not thinking of the long-term effects on your child, their friends, and others who know you have lied. How about what it does to their own conscience every time they repeat the lie? It would change my opinion of a person to know they would do that. Not only that, I am a teacher and I can assure you an education is important, however I would rather have a son who shows moral character and integrity over one who is well educated. It will get him further in life and produce a family I can be proud of. It will also reproduce truth and integrity in a society that so easily throws away their conscience when an issue comes to their doorfront. How sad!

I wholeheartedly agree with you. My husband teaches at the #1 school in the state, #4 in the nation & you would not believe the lengths the parents go to in order to qualify for admittance. It is no wonder that the biggest problem there is not violence but cheating! How can you teach children to be honest when their parents got them there dishonestly to begin with?
PS - Please don't use my name. I would hate for this to get back to the current adminstration who are more interested in hiding this dirty little secret than fixing it.

I understand the motivation, but it is still wrong. Wouldn't it set a better example for the parents to become involved in the local school to improve it? I'm all about safety at school, and that needs to be addressed. As far as being a "better" school, this typically means higher published test scores. I would submit that given a safe environment, most kids can get a quality education out of almost any public school, given the support and direction from home.

All of the arguments against Michael Josephson just prove he's correct. If parents are not happy with their local public school, rather than leave it they have choices that are honest. They can pay to put their children in private school or pay in time and red-tape to home school their own. Another option that they have is to stand up and participate in their local school to make it better. It has been done before with great affect. The problem is, most of the parents who would rather lie about their address and take the easy way out have just compounded the original problem and left a public school to flounder. There are so many parents of public school children who would love to unite with other parents who are not happy in order to help the school and their children but they don't know where to find them... Because they lied about their address and left.

We had the same issue and elected to send our children to private school. I know this is not an easy option for many parents but it illustrates options other than lying. This is a tough call, but your child's education is an important parenting decision.

I absolutely agree with this! Lying to get what you think is "better" isn't justifiable as you are teaching your kids through your actions. If you do lie to send them elsewhere and then have behavioral issues to deal with like lying or constant fear of getting caught, are you really surprised where they learn it from? Schools need to serve the needs of the community they are located in with the resources they have. I don’t think it’s so much a matter of education, as all teachers must be properly qualified, but more an issue of the people in the building that concerns most people. So, move to a different district, as you knew what district you'd be in when you chose your location or send them to a private school [if you can afford it], legitimately. Schools are a reflection of the community they are located in, so what are the people who do this really unhappy with? Regardless, lying to get your kids into another district is unethical.

Like John mentioned on May 8, I would wonder if most districts now don't have some kind of open enrollment or way of opting for another school in the district. If you follow the timelines set by the district, it usually works, particularly now when enrollments are decreasing. The school will find out eventually. I know, I'm a teacher. From then on, the family is known and watched. It's not worth it!

I agree; this type of lie is a form of stealing, and the 8th commandment clearly states, "Thou shalt not steal." Parents need to model exemplary behavior to their children, and this is one place to do that.

All these comments about the child's self-esteem help demonstrate what is wrong about our schools and the parents who are willing to do anything to get them into the "right" school. Do you believe it is the SCHOOL'S responsibility to develop your child's self-esteem? What about YOUR responsibilities as a parent? "I'm too busy." Then why did you have children in the first place?

My children don't go to the best schools in the county, but I help them learn, encourage them to do more and go beyond just what is required, interact with their teachers regularly, participate in their school activities, and try to live a life they will want to emulate.

When there was a violence problem starting at one of their schools, I made sure my elected representatives knew that I, as a parent, know about it and expect action. The school got what it needed to stop it. When a teacher acted like she didn't care if the students learned or not, I talked with her, then the principal, and then the school board. She was replaced. Teachers, principals, administrators and the school board know that I won't sit by and let things "just happen" without complaint AND offers to help fix the problem. They may not like my involvement, but that is my job as a parent.

Involvement, participation and support. THAT'S how you make sure your child gets the best education possible and grows up to live a life with meaning.

I agree with the comment someone made about 'moving'. If it is so important to get your child into another school system, then move there. I can hear it already, all the excuses... If you really want what's best for your child, then doing what it takes sometimes isn't easy. Most people will choose the easy way out - to lie rather than move.

As a Registrar in the schools, I had to ask kids where they lived ALL the time. And you could see it in their faces when they had to lie (how sad)...A LIE IS A LIE AND IT SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE FORCED UPON KIDS TO HAVE TO LIE TO ANYONE! I have taught my own children NEVER to lie to me or anyone else and, even though it has cost them at times, they always tell the truth. If you don't like the school, you have two choices...MOVE or TAKE ACTION TO MAKE IT BETTER! Michael you are RIGHT ON!

A lie is a lie.

My children are attending a private school. The added cost means that my family’s lifestyle (and mine for that matter) is not as "rich" as it might be otherwise. Perhaps if attending a better school is important, paying for private education at the sacrifice of other material benefits may be the answer.

I suggest that you step out of your own comfort zone to improve your children’s situation. However, never send the message that lying to beat the system is ok regardless of how clever your justifications may be.

Yes, there is a discrepancy between the qualities of school districts. But why are you waiting until your child is in that school before taking action? You know your child will attend a school, so why not check it out years in advance and then work to improve it so it is acceptable by the time your child attends. This is what I did when my daughter was 4 years old. I worked with the school staff, school district and police to mold better, safer environments in the elementary, jr high and high schools she would attend. And I worked both full-time and part-time jobs while doing this. Yes, it takes a lot of effort – but you chose to be a parent. Don’t make excuses why you can’t be ethical or you will one day have to face the behavior of your child – be it stealing a candy bar, cheating on a test, or worse. Lying is contagious!

Teaching your children that there is such a thing as a “good” lie and a “bad” lie is just wrong! That’s the problem with the world’s political leaders these days. What if the son of a President were to lie about his service in the National Guard? What if that son grew up to be President himself and then lied about reasons to invade a foreign country? What if all his advisors and supporters lied to cover his untruths? Still think lying isn’t contagious?

How will the poor schools improve if they are abandoned by the "caring" parents who will lie to get their "superior" children into a "good" school?

It appears that most of the comments come from those above the lower economic scale. Not a criticism, just an observation. There are so many inequities built into the American school systems that you won’t know about unless you experience them. I’m sure most of you would not want your child to attend an unsafe, low-performing school. For those of you who believe that any child can get the same quality education regardless of the school as long as the parents are involved, I challenge you to find the worst performing school in your area and enroll your child. I would guess there is already a myriad of reasons why you won’t/can’t do this spinning around in your head. It’s not the quality of the teachers as many will claim, but the lack of time to focus on lessons that those teachers have. In addition to the many hats they must wear, they have the same safety concerns as the students.

I think the only situation that justifies lying to change schools is if the child’s safety is in danger. Check your own schools and you will find that those students who are bullied are also under-performing. Think if your child had the daily worry about more than losing his lunch money. What kind of education would he receive? It doesn’t do any good to have a dead child with ethics. If you think I’m exaggerating, spend a few days in the inner city schools of Los Angeles. And, for those who think parental involvement can change all this: Where is the money coming from? Who will protect those parents? If the staff and police cannot control the troublemakers at these schools, what makes you think a parent can? This topic reminds me of the theme of Les Miserable – is it OK to steal bread to feed your starving family? It’s as simple as this: As you move up the hierarchy of needs ladder, your ability to act ethically increases. (Do you think the survivors in Myanmar are concerned about who owns what little food they find?)

So many claim it is never acceptable to lie – a lie is a lie. When asked “Do I look fat in this dress?” what guy in his right mind will answer yes? And what woman will calmly accept a truthful reply? See, we teach our kids all the time that there are acceptable lies. I’m going to guess even Michael has fallen into this trap. (I can hear you now: “Oh, but that’s not the same thing…”)

This is segregation based on an address. Some twit says we can't discriminate because of disability, ethnicity, gender, race religion, etc., yet it has drawn lines that benefit it because the district is in their backyard as well as within their scope of power to draw those districts nearby and fund them. All things are not equal and character and ethics tells us that we’re not supposed to lie to improve our lot; this puts a lot of people into a paradox - those that really need help never get it and those who don’t are the first with their hand out. Misguided and shortsighted liberals and corrupt republicans have created most of the problems we have - especially in this area. Every once in awhile I get a piece of gold from these columns and most other times I think it is just nonsense to ask people to repeatedly suffer at the hands of someone in a position of power. It is futile to attempt to influence mass character and ethics on a micro level since the game cannot be operated like that, we’re/it’s too large and has too many complex variables. In other words a couple of lies do not make certain a character/ehtics flaw. We all lie, every minute of our lives –it’s called self deception and it’s NOT a new concept that I just created. It’s what people do when being run over by those with power having character and ethics flaws who judge the person with character/ethics as weak and unable to mount a defense. Would if knowing that there is a solution to some of these problems and not letting go of a political ideology or not being lazy or forgoing personal greed suffice as a definitive evidence of a character flaw? It is not wise to foolishly turn over power to politicians or supposed experts for the vanity that would come from being able to exclaim: “I have been counted and I have been deemed a person with character”. There are things that we’ll never know that will just be swept under the rug. But every once in awhile we get a glimpse into the Elliot Spitzers of the world: Corruptible-Envy, Self-Righteous-Vindictiveness and a Frustrated-Anguish a man who felt in his vanity that he didn’t have enough power; he should be judge, jury and executioner aka GOD. All the way to the end and then some – those who thought they could gain from him continued to prop him up and all knew something was wrong with him.

Parents have a moral obligation to make their children the center of "their" universe, but making their kids the center of "the" universe teaches them how to live a me-first life without worrying about the effects on other people.

For shame.

You really lit a fire here! My children were aware of fellow students in the local schools who were using false addresses, and now as parents know the practice is even worse. I recall a case some years ago when a friend said she "just had to" lie to get her daughter our of a poorly performing and dangerous district. Now years later the "girl" is an overweight single mother, who apparently did not benefit from the "better" education. And she is a burden on her parents as well.

In regards to the last post, "Sure it is a lie but a lie that doesn't hurt anyone." Why are you reading this newsletter and subscribing to this site if you really believe that!

My Florida school district battles this issue every year particularly with the high schools. The lie hurts all children - those who have to lie about their address and those who really belong in that school.

For those who lie to go there, they increase the capacity of the school and increase the need for resources that are already stretched thin and those parents could be a driving force for change in the school they are assigned to!

A lie is a lie, no matter how small or large.

Check your character please!

Is it better to hurt your child with a lie to get him out of an unsafe school or hurt him by letting him get killed at that unsafe school? If killing is immoral, then why don’t all god-fearing people refuse to serve in the armed forces? We should all strive to ethical and moral behavior, but sometimes it’s just not that black and white. There are always some gray areas. Again I ask, if faced with the same situation, would you be willing to risk your child’s safety rather than lie to get them into a safer school? Only those of you who can HONESTLY say yes have any right to the “a lie is a lie” viewpoint. And, please, be honest with yourself.

Clyde: there is no relationship between the girl who lied to go to a safer school and is now an overweight single mother. By the same logic I could conclude that the girl is alive and would have been killed had she stayed at the unsafe school.

Clyde:
I have to agree with James. Remember a few weeks ago Michael had a column about a man who gave his bonus check to a woman claiming to need medical assistance for her baby, but it was just a scam. When criticized by his family, the man just smiled and exclaimed “Don’t you see? The baby isn’t dying!” Where is your compassion for the overweight single mother? Shouldn’t you also be rejoicing that she is alive and not another statistic in her unsafe school? Maybe the early years she spent in a dangerous school district damaged her to the extent she could not achieve what her parents wished for her. Maybe if you told that girl you’re just happy that she is alive, that would make all the difference to her. I applaud you wanting to lead an ethical life, but HONESTY IS ONLY ONE FACTOR OF GOOD CHARACTER.

The importance of integrity cannot be over stressed. The lack of integrity is what causes the lesser school to be lesser. More low living only creates more problems. What a joy to educate our children to be liars! Stay at the school, get involved and force improvement or sell out and move. You owe honesty to your children.

Not only kudos to Michael, but to all others who continue to support a society of integrity.

Shame on all those justifying...I'm sure Mother Teresa would be truly saddened by the self-serving rationalizations.

We have parents and kids who try to beat the system all the time at our school. After reading several of the comments above, I would agree with some, ask "why" for others and note that it sounds like different states have different rules. That being said, my district has a transfer request/open enrollment period, a policy that allows kids to finish the final 6 weeks of the school year at the school where they started and requires a utility bill as proof of residence in our attendance zone. Different policies sounds a lot like different lies - the policy is the "Policy" and a lie is a "Lie". If you don't like the policy, work to change it. Personal experience has also taught me that the parents/kids who lie are ones who we would rather not have at our school because the behavior doesn't change. It doesn't surprise me that cheating is prevalent in some of these schools. Blaming others is easy, making change happen is hard, but like raising children, one of the most rewarding things you can do.

Well - I am weighing in on this issue again. Having read all these comments, it just amazes me how many people will still make excuses to justify telling lies. Are lies ever justified? The Bible, surprisingly, supplies two examples of where people lied to good effect - interesting that both of the "liars" were in the same genetic line - both were incidentally antecedents of Jesus. The first was Rahab the prostitute who sent the soldiers of Jericho in the wrong direction when they were after the Hebrew slaves. The other was David who feigned madness to the king of the Philistines to avoid being killed. In both cases, these were matters of life or death and the people lied to were the ones who, had they known the truth, would have done the killing. For this reason, I would say it is entirely acceptable for a child to not tell a stranger that his/her parents are not around, even to lie that they are at home (when they're not) in order to prevent possible abduction or abuse, but I'm afraid I do not agree with James who seems to think this is a life or death issue, unless he is suggesting that the authorities themselves would murder the children. I don't think Claude is right either about linking the lie of her parents with the "overweight single mother" situation.

So my answer would be yes, there are circumstances where lying or failing to tell the truth is justified such as described in the "Anne Frank" story, but THESE are the exception. In every other case, truthfulness should be the guiding principle. The Ninth commandment of the Ten commandments says "You shall not give false witness." It is more specific than just lying - it is I believe that we should not cause injustice by speaking untruths - so Rahab did not break the commandment (from the perspective of the Hebrews) because she protected the spies. Neither did David as he would have been slaughtered had he not feigned madness. But I do believe that getting a child to lie about his/her address or age in order to get cheaper tickets or a "better school" is giving false witness. Parents fill in a form to admit their child to a school and sign it to state that all the information provided is accurate and truthful.

Perhaps schools should conduct random "home visits" and where false addresses are provided, severe criminal charges should be laid. It will send the message loud and clear, and if the threat of jail or a heavy fine could be imposed, it would dissuade a number of parents from going that route.

Well, my kids go to those schools in our district that aren't the best. I'm a single parent and I'm involved in their schools and the community, and there is only so much I can do.

Most of these parents who are lying to get their children into better schools are saying it is for a better education. But I know it's also for sports. It's the high school football, the little league baseball team, the soccer team or whatever it may be.

Not to mention stealing.

Forcing the taxpayers in the "better school district" to pay for educating students who don't live there is wrong.

Theft is theft, even if the aunt lives in that district.