The Mother I Will Celebrate Sunday 566.1
Mothers. What class of people has been more glorified or vilified?
On the one hand, there’s the idealized image of selfless, wise, patient, and loving maternal perfection celebrated in greeting cards, songs, and “I Love Mom” tattoos.
On the other are the darker stereotypes of the controlling, never-satisfied, self-absorbed mother responsible for the insecurities and hang-ups of her children; the wicked stepmother of fairy tales; and the interfering mother-in-law depicted by stand-up comedians.
Hardly anyone’s mother fits any of these images. Real moms come in an infinite variety of packages, including an array of virtues and faults. What’s more, our attitudes toward our mothers are so often distorted by the memories we choose to emphasize that it’s hard to know the objective reality – if there is one. Thus, some approach Mother’s Day with love and gratitude while others find themselves fighting or indulging feelings of resentment.
I’m on the gratitude side. My mom died in her early forties of breast cancer shortly after giving birth to her sixth child. I wish I’d had her longer, but my memories are good ones.
Now Mother’s Day is about the greatest mother I’ve ever known, my wife Anne. Although I appreciate mothers who’ve made other choices, I marvel that this beautiful, smart, and funny graduate of an Ivy League college chose to shelve her personal ambitions in devotion to the most difficult, important, frustrating, exhausting, and fulfilling job in the world – being a mom to our four little girls.
So for me, no greeting-card tribute is too corny for the mother I will honor and thank this Sunday: my friend, companion, and lover, Anne.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
Of course there are the wonderful people in some peoples' lives who have taken over a "Mother" role and are not their biological mothers. These are the loving stepmothers, the wonderful grandparents, foster mothers, or guardians who have assumed the role of being a mother. On this day it is best to be inclusive and honor all women who have had an impact on your life. I know several people who wanted to have children but never did. This day is painful for them. Each Mother's Day I choose at least 2 people to send a Mother's Day card to who have had an influence on my life and have been a good role model to me. I try to pick women who have no one else to honor them on Mother's Day. The day is very publicised and commercial. Some women feel left out. I think Mother's Day should be a day to honor all women who have influenced others to become what they are today.
Posted by: Carol | May 16, 2008 7:21 AM
I agree with Carol. Mother's Day is VERY painful for many. I went through years of not even going to church on Mother's Day because I would end up in tears. I wish people would be more sensitive to the situation that some people are in through no fault of their own. Please, don't automatically wish a woman "Happy Mother's Day" simply because she's a woman. If you don't know for certain, don't say it.
Posted by: Joan | May 16, 2008 5:35 PM
Stereotypes for mother-in-laws wouldn't exist if not for their truth. I had one, and her impositions, along with the lesson she taught her daughter of "I'm the most important person in your life," caused the end of my first marriage.
Fortunately my current mother-in-law is a gem among women who appreciates my efforts and doesn't interfere. And I'm right fond of her daughter too!
Posted by: David | May 16, 2008 7:05 PM
I had one of those mother-in-laws too, David. Rotten to the core. I discovered too late that her son was just like her.
If there is a next time for me, trust me, I will be checking out his mother first, for mostly we are what we have been raised to be.
Posted by: db | May 23, 2008 8:26 AM