Your statement that trustworthiness is the core moral value of honesty seems right to me, but I will need to give it more thought.

In any event, I very much like your suggestion to use the impact on trust as a test fo the propriety of telling a "white lie."

A significant contributor to the frequency of harmful "lies of convenience" is the tendency to evaluate the propriety of telling a "white lie" by comparing only the INSTANTANEOUS effects of the alternatives (lie vs. truth), whereas it is important to consider the impact of the lie OVER TIME. One should be especially reluctant to tell a "white lie" if it must be maintained or repeated over time to avoid harm or embarrassment as such maintenance or repetition is fraught with all sorts of problems (repeated opportunity for harm, losing track of the truth, telling more lies to protect the initial lie, habitual lying, etc.).

Trustworthiness is judged over time, so using a lie's impact on trustworthiness as a test forces one to think of the long-term consequences of even the "whitest" of lies.

As one of the harshest critics of the “a lie is a lie” argument, I think Michael’s reply fits pretty well. I think a white lie, by acceptance, is one that truly has no residual effects. I guess that really makes it harder to define – doesn’t it? Motivation plays a big part. By not telling your co-worker she dresses funny, are you protecting her feelings or yours?

I’m not sure the argument raised by Charles regarding time is relevant. For example, if you tell your child his artwork is beautiful when it’s not, are you really doing harm by maintaining this lie for years? (And please don’t bring up the “but it’s beautiful to me” argument.) If the white lie makes everyone happy, is anyone harmed? And will the child eventually label his parent as a liar for doing so? Typically, a white lie will run its course. Your child will realize he is not a Picasso and your wife will realize that, yes, those pants do make her look fat. Sooner or later, they will stop asking for validation and appreciate the kindness that was shown.

As Michael says, “Sometimes lying is morally justified.” The problem lies in establishing just where that line is drawn...

If a fat friend asks me if he is fat, the simple response is: What do you think, or why do you ask me?
I can also ask him or her: Do you want me to be polite or brutaly honest?
If a friend asks me if he is fat, he already knows he is fat.

Years ago, in a psych class I took after graduating from college, we discussed white lies. The professor said that sometimes our deeper values, like kindness, keep us from answering in a way that might be hurtful. Later, I had times when I had to speak the whole truth - it was still a matter of kindness.

Hi, this is not really a comment on the commentary above, but I was thinking do you have a "fan" page on Facebook? If you don't, please could you set one up for Character Counts? I think you could put your commentaries up there and kids would read them.

I agree with Charles' request. Having a page on Facebook is a great idea and an awesome way to get the messages out so people of all ages, especially kids, can make a mental tattoo of the commentaries that drive the messages home.

A quote from Jimmy Carter's recent book A Remarkable Mother (pp 146-147):

During the campaign, Miss Lillian was reluctantly interviewed by a Washington Post reporter: “Miss Lillian,” he said, “your son claims he will never tell a lie. Do you believe him when he says this?”

Lillian replied, “Well, Jimmy has always been truthful, and I have confidence he won’t change.”

“Do you mean he has never in his life told a lie?”

After a short pause, Lillian replied, “Well maybe a little white lie.”

The reporter leaned forward with her microphone and said, “Aha! Aha! And what do you mean by a ‘little white lie’?”

Lillian said, “Well, do you remember a few minutes ago when I met you at the door and said you look very nice and I was glad to see you?”

Hey Dieter:
If your wife asks you if her pants make her look fat, do you ask her if she wants you to be polite or brutally honest? And remember, the question is if they make her LOOK fat - not if she IS fat. If she knew they made her look fat, she would not need your input. It's only because she is unsure that she would ask you.
Anyway, before you talk to your wife this way, let me know where to send the flowers! haha

While we're all talking about whether or not to lie, we neglect the other side of the equation, that is, whether it is fair or moral to put another person in a position that would cause him or her to have to lie. Seems to me, if people were really honest & caring about others' feelings, they would think of the other peson first & not cause an issue in the first place!

When I met my wife, we were on a cruise ship. During one evening around the ship, the question came up about truthfulness and honesty. I said I was always honest and she agreed she was too, but she said I'm not always truthful. That has stuck with me for years, 15 to be exact. Having enjoyed Mr. Josephson's commentary, I appreciate her statement more and more. We should always be honest, but it should be tempered. Like great chocolate, too much heat will make it ugly and bitter, yet if tempered just so, it is shiny and full of flavor and wonderful to hear snap when broken. Life can be like chocolates, not full of nuts, but full of flavor if we are honest with ourselves and others.

Being part of a journalism staff, I understand the importance of integrity. Great job!

This should be in a women's magazine. It seems like an ok article but it was kind of boring to me.

Honesty & truth are not always the same thing. People often are candid with their opinions, whether welcomed or not, and justify their comments by saying that they are just being honest. However, they are often confusing truth about their opinions with FACTS. At the workplace, facts are necessary to make informed decisions. Honest opinions about the value of decisions of others may have little or no value to the mission and can be morale killers. Thus, I would caution to evaluate what it is that you are considering being honest about. Is it a FACT or just your opinion about something?

White lies and exaggerations are often told when manipulating, building an argument and justifying an opinion. My question is, how does one respond to the exaggeration and white lie avoiding a defensive or argumentative response?