What Did You Expect Him to Do? 572.5
One of the highlights of my life as a dad – and having five kids, I’ve had quite a few – occurred on a Saturday afternoon when I was taking my then 13-year-old son Justin and his friend Aaron to a movie. As we entered the theater, I noticed the ticket seller had undercharged me, so I asked the boys to wait a moment while I returned the money.
This did not please the boys, who were anxious to get choice seats.
Nevertheless, I endured hostile glares from people in line and even an annoyed reaction from the cashier, who corrected the mistake. When I returned, Aaron, who was exasperated because the prime seats had been taken, asked, “Why did you have to do that? It was her mistake, not yours.”
I was about to launch into a lecture on integrity when my son, who was also irritated, looked at his friend and said, “What did you expect him to do?”
Many years later, this memory is an uplifting reminder of the impact we have on the character of our kids. Hearing from my son that he expected me to be honest and knew I expected the same of him was like a pat on the back saying I’d done okay as a father.
My son, still one of the most honest people I know, realized that honesty is neither a convenience nor a choice. To a person who values integrity, it’s a habit.
When it comes to parenting, it’s hard to know what’s working and what isn’t, but one of the best rewards for attentive parenting is seeing something good in our children and knowing we played a part.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
I strongly agree with the idea presented here. I wonder what a child would think if I told him to be honest and he were to then see me being less than honest. I was raised with positive values to live by and I am very thankful for this.
Posted by: Richard | June 27, 2008 8:10 AM
My husband and I are scrupulously honest and have seized upon teachable moments with our children. One such lesson was taught when my husband took our then, very young children, and the dog for a walk. Somehow on the walk either the dog or one of the children broke a neighbor's sprinkler head. This was someone unknown to us and they weren't home. A perfect time to "make a run for it" but my integrity-filled husband took the children home, retrieved a sprinkler head, went back with the children to replace the broken part and then left a note for the neighbor telling them what had happened. That is just one of many stories of pointing out to a waiter we were undercharged or informing a cashier that our very small daughter was not entitled to the under 2 or 10 or 12 discount, etc. The children are now teenagers so we are beginning to see the fruits of our labor. Integrity can never be emphasized enough. Keep up your valuable work.
Posted by: Wendy Swift | June 27, 2008 9:14 AM
Wow, five kids? Not as a criticism, but as a point of thought: How moral and/or ethical is it to have so many kids when the world is burdened by so many people already?
Posted by: John | June 27, 2008 11:23 AM
My 15-year-old son and I went grocery shopping on a very busy Saturday afternoon. After waiting in a long line and checking out, my son noticed the checker did not charge us for the large bag of dog food in the bottom of the cart. I looked at him and gave him a choice: load the dog food and enjoy the extra $20 or go back, stand in line again, and pay for it. Without blinking, he said, "I'll go back myself Mom, you wait here for me. I was the one who forgot to load it on the checkout stand." Sure enough, he came back later, receipt in hand, and a smile on his face. He said it felt good to do the right thing and be a good citizen. Boy was I proud! I guess he does listen to me!
P.S. I wouldn't have let him choose to get in the car and pocket the money. Doing the right thing is not always convenient.
Posted by: Cathy Lechien | June 27, 2008 7:06 PM
I have a deceitful, lying, lazy mother who takes no responsibility for most things. I used her bad character as an anti-role model. My husband tells me I am of strong moral character in spite of my mother. I listen to you on the radio (KNX), and I rejoice in my difference.
Posted by: Gail | June 30, 2008 5:05 AM
I enjoy reading all of the stories and commend everyone who has a part in it. Trying to raise children in this day and age is hard enough and as parents we need all the help we can get! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!
Posted by: Diane Hems | July 1, 2008 8:02 AM
On being offered another drink at the local pub, and refusing because he was expected home for dinner, my son replied to the question "Are you scared of your Mum?" by saying, "No, I respect her." One of my proud Mum moments. That's what makes it all worthwhile.
Posted by: Kathy Parker | October 1, 2008 5:36 PM
Michael Josephson seems so obsessed with instant total honesty that he sometimes loses sight of common sense and good judgment, creating unnecessary problems for himself and others. Upon discovering the undercharge, why not just go on into the theater, watch the movie, then correct the undercharge on the way out? But no, he has to rush back to the box office immediately, delaying those waiting to buy tickets, annoying the cashier, and allowing latecomers to grab the best seats. What was the big rush?
When his son's friend complained that all the good seats were taken because of Michael's delay and his son asked, "What did you expect him to do?" Michael interpreted the "him" in the question to mean "this paragon of honesty and virtue" and preened himself accordingly. But I wonder if maybe what the kid really meant was "this dumb jerk."
Posted by: E. R. Berry | October 7, 2008 2:18 PM