You Don’t Have to Be Perfect 573.4
Whether you’re a teacher, coach, parent, or boss with the power and duty to instruct, inspire, and discipline others, you’ve probably heard this challenge: Who are you to teach me?
Implicit in the question is the idea that if you’re not perfect, you have no qualifications or moral standing to teach, preach, or punish others. That’s simply not true.
Of course, inconsistencies between our words and personal conduct will undermine our credibility and give others an excuse to reject our message, but valid and valuable lessons can still be taught by imperfect people. A gymnastics coach doesn’t have to be able to do a back flip to teach it. Important lessons about right and wrong can be taught by those who don’t live saintly lives.
What’s more, people struggling to live up to their own standards can be even more effective precisely because they understand the nature and power of temptation and the ever-present possibility of bad judgment. I often comfort myself with this thought. Despite my preoccupation with issues of ethics and character, I know I’m no paragon of virtue. I frequently fall short of my moral ambitions.
For example, I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry! I want to be healthier as part of my responsibility to my family and others who care about or rely on me. Still, every day is a challenge, not because I don’t know what I should do, but because I love steak and bagels and donuts. Unfortunately, resisting temptation most of the time simply isn’t good enough.
We shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of perfection, but we also shouldn’t wait till we’re perfect to teach what we know and believe is right.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
My friends laugh when they learn I have become the moral compass of my family since they know the follies of my youth. I try to pass on the lessons I have learned to all the kids. If I had not made so many mistakes, I might not be as “wise.” I guess it’s like hiring a burglar as a security consultant – they know all the things to avoid. It is sometimes difficult to maintain credibility when you are admitting to having done something less than appropriate. In these cases I turn to the tried and true “Do as I say, not as I do.” Hey, what else can you say?
Posted by: James | July 2, 2008 1:06 PM
I feel conflicted. Yesterday, a young man set fire to our apartment's recycling trash can with illegal fireworks. Someone was luckily there and saw the incident. That person sought help and quickly put out the fire, but not before the fire had scorched a small part of the wall. Later, while walking back towards the area, I saw a young man fitting the description previously seen and confronted him. He took off running and I gave a short... tired chase. Still later when the police arrived, I led one of the officers through the chase route and we found the young man sitting on a porch. After positive identification by 2 people, the police arrested the young man. I feel conflicted because mostly of my background. I had spent 2 years in Americorps working with troubled youth, and I feel strongly about giving youth the opportunity to better themselves through activities and guidance. It's not easy to shed the taint of mistakes. Yet, yesterday, all I could offer to this young man was a trip to the city jail. On the other hand, we live in an area wrought with brush fires that grow into acres and acres charred. The fire marshall who came and investigated as well told us that this would have been a serious fire if no one was around to put it out. In the end, I feel I did the only thing I could by reporting the incident to the police. But I still wonder, was there anything else I could have done? How could I have been the 'moral compass' in this situation?
Posted by: Andy | July 3, 2008 8:15 AM
Andy, I also worked with the AmeriCorps for two years. Later I worked with adjudicated youth for an organization called KidsPeace for two years. Your actions were necesary in this situation, but you don't have to stop there. Continue to be engaged (re-engaged) with the youth in your neighborhood. Even be a mentor.
Posted by: Greg | July 6, 2008 9:46 PM