Dear friend,

As I've said before, I hope it's not presumptuous of me to call you a friend, but as I frequently share deeply personal thoughts and stories with you, I hope you feel, as I do, that we share a meaningful bond and special connection.

First, please accept my heartfelt wish that you -- and all those you love -- have a very happy and rewarding Thanksgiving holiday.

I hope you will spend it among loved ones and open your heart to appreciate your good fortune.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of a holiday season that is filled with special opportunities, starting with the opportunity for all of us to reflect on what we have and hold and to experience a sense of gratitude.

Being grateful is not easy for many of us, especially in traumatic times like these where financial worries and insecurities can dominate our lives. It is human nature that our fears, losses, and pains tend to hover over our thoughts. It sometimes takes work to identify and assess all the things we can and should be grateful for.

Using any objective standards, almost everyone reading these remarks has a truly good life, one that millions of less fortunate folks yearn for.

As I was looking through old photos of my children while preparing to put together a special booklet for my daughter Carissa's Bat mitzvah in a few weeks, I was struck with sweet sadness by how much they've changed. I took some comfort in the advice of Dr. Seuss: "Don't be sad that it is over, smile because it happened."

If it isn't a happy time for you, consider taking a journey through your memory museum and relive the good moments with a true sense of thanksgiving.

I also remind you to hang in there; things will get better.

Second, I want to express my thanks, my sincere gratitude to you, for making it seem worthwhile to express my thoughts on a daily basis.

I don't know whether it's because I have more to do, have less energy and need more sleep, or am running out of things to say, but the difficulty in writing these regular messages is increasing. What keeps me going are comments from you telling me something I said made a positive difference. Receiving the thanks of others is a gift to me for which I have always been deeply grateful.

Third, I want to personally ask those of you who believe you have benefited in some way from our work to express that gratitude in a tangible way -- in the form of a donation to the Institute.

I hope my request does not seem crass, but the simple fact is we are a nonprofit organization and we need financial support to keep doing all that we are. Sadly, our needs are greater than ever in these tough economic times where many sources of our income are drying up.

As you may know, I accept no compensation from the Institute. I'm a full-time volunteer. This emboldens me to ask you to express gratitude for my commentaries and to give generously with a tax-deductible donation.

We have nearly 100,000 subscribers to this free newsletter. We have resisted pressures and powerful arguments for imposing a subscription fee because none of us at the Institute wants to add a barrier to our efforts to remind and reinforce the notion that character really does count. But the simple economic fact is that this newsletter is expensive to produce and in order to continue providing it we need you, the reader, to step up to the plate. In these difficult economic times, any donation will be significant.

This is not intended to make anyone feel guilty, but I do want to be frank about our need and direct in my request that you include the Josephson Institute as one of the organizations you support in your year-end giving.

To donate, call 800-711-2670 or click here.
Sincerely yours,
Michael Josephson

"Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality."
-- Alfred Painter

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'Thank you,' that would suffice."
-- Eckhart von Hochheim, German theologian, philosopher (1260-1328)

"The unthankful heart...discovers no mercies, but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"
-- Henry Ward Beecher, clergyman, social reformer (1813-1887)

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say, 'Thank you'?"
-- William A. Ward, writer (1921-1994)

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."
-- GB Stern, British author (1890-1973)

"The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you."
-- John E. Southard

"Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all."
-- William Faulkner, author (1897-1962)

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
-- Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian theologian, physician (1875-1965)

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
-- William A. Ward

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily."
-- Gerald Good

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
-- John F. Kennedy, 35th President (1917-1963)

"I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than have things I cannot appreciate."
-- Elbert Hubbard, writer, philosopher (1856-1915)

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."
-- Anonymous

Hurray for Thanksgiving!

It’s turned into a lot more than recognizing the historical significance of the Pilgrims’ celebration a few centuries ago.

It’s about taking time out from our daily trials and tribulations to acknowledge and honor the things every one of us has to be thankful for.

Every year, my wife and I rent a huge tent and put it in our backyard so we can house a feast for as many of my nine brothers and sisters and their immediate and extended families as we can assemble. We never have everyone present anymore as the married nieces and nephews take turns between the Josephson Thanksgiving and one given by their in-laws.

But the continuity and fluidity of our large family is always evident.

Inevitably, some are bearing the burdens of a personal tragedy while others are savoring joyous occasions – marriages, graduations, births – hardly a year goes by without at least one new baby. Whatever is going on, it’s soul-nurturing to share with the family and pause to fill our cups with gratitude for all the blessings of our lives.

Usually, an unruly clan of about 50 feasts on dozens of dishes including the highlight – my special onion-laced mashed potatoes.

Making 30 pounds of potatoes is a major project and a family tradition. My four daughters join me in cleaning, mashing, and of course taste-testing. (There’s no peeling since I leave the skins on). Most important, we always use my mom’s beat-up, pink-handled potato masher. This gives me a chance to talk about the terrific grandma my children never met.

I grunt and groan and complain and lament as much as anyone, but when I force myself to shut off all those annoying voices in my head and talk with my heart, I realize I love and am so grateful for my life.

Yes, I worry about keeping the Institute afloat in these dire economic times and I keep toying with the idea of retiring from the daily task of writing these commentaries so I can get more than four hours of sleep a night. But the simple truth is, I am fortunate beyond words. I love the opportunity to impact lives through these commentaries. It’s a gift more than a burden, and my relationship with you is one of the things I’m grateful for.

Most of all, I marvel at how lucky I am to have a smart and beautiful best friend who’s also my wife. And I am so thankful that I have the blessing of being a dad to five children who make every day an adventure.

Your list may have different items, but I bet it’s just as long.

This is Michael Josephson, one very thankful guy, wishing you a happy Thanksgiving and reminding you that character counts.

I once received a note from Gwen, a youth coach who learned that Bill, a close friend who coaches another team, had lied about the age of some of his gymnasts to increase their chances of winning. She knew her kids would recognize that his athletes were in the wrong age division and be upset, but she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to lose Bill as a friend and was afraid that blowing the whistle could ruin her reputation in her close-knit gymnastics community.

Let’s start by recognizing that ethical problems come in two forms. Some are problems of discernment, where it’s difficult to determine what’s right. Others are problems of discipline, where it’s clear what should be done but doing so is difficult.

Gwen’s problem fell into the discipline category. Bill’s action was clearly wrong and she had a responsibility to prevent it. She couldn’t let her kids down by looking the other way just because it was hard to stand up for what’s right. As Edmund Burke said, “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.”

It was up to Gwen to confront Bill and give him a chance to fix the problem. If he didn’t, she had to report him.

Yes, it would probably destroy their friendship, but the gap in their values made that inevitable. Some colleagues would likely take Bill’s side, too, but there will always be a split between those who cheat and those who don’t.

Still, if Gwen is a coach, she is a teacher. Her problem is actually a great opportunity in disguise. Doing the right thing when it’s personally costly is the best possible way to teach moral courage.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

It’s not the economic crisis that has me befuddled – I’ve seen recessions before. What confuses and concerns me is the weight of wisdom favoring solutions that override a traditional virtue that I always thought was fundamental: “Live within your means.”

In fact, it was widespread disregard for this principle that got us into such terrible trouble. Can anyone deny that the vast majority of homebuyers facing foreclosure never should have been and never would have been in that position except that they ignored that basic axiom of responsibility?

That shouldn’t let imprudent borrowers off the hook, but from a moral perspective, the uninhibited zeal with which a long parade of heretofore respected bankers and mortgage brokers instigated and assisted in the making of mountains of fundamentally bad loans is worse.

The antidote, we’re told, is to borrow more money and increase the national debt without any realistic hope that the money will be paid pack – ever. All with no more than hope that things won’t get much worse too quickly.

Economists and politicians seem to be saying that it’s either impossible or foolhardy to live within our means. They insist we can’t possibly provide necessary bailouts and stimulus packages without spending more than a trillion unavailable, unbudgeted dollars.

I confess that the dismal prediction of enduring financial calamity shakes my confidence in the wisdom of frugality, but I can’t for the life of me imagine how abandoning this principle can work out well in the end.

Where will we find the bailout money when our 10 trillion-dollar debt turns to 20? When the interest on our debt exceeds our annual revenue?

We can evade our responsibilities, but we can’t evade the consequences of evading our responsibilities.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Tony and Tracy were newlyweds when they went to a friend’s wedding. Tony drank too much, and when a seductive former girlfriend kissed him on the lips, he kissed her back inappropriately. Tracy was furious.

The next day, Tony was full of remorse. He apologized, sent flowers, pledged his absolute fidelity, and begged for forgiveness. Finally, Tracy absolved him.

Yet in the following months, she repeatedly referred to the incident. Tony protested. “Look, I admitted I was wrong. I’ve done everything I could to make amends. You said you’d forgiven me. Why do you keep rubbing my nose in it?”

Tracy said, “I have forgiven you, but I haven’t forgotten what you did. And I don’t want you to forget it either.”

Clearly, Tracy hadn’t forgiven Tony and was using his indiscretion as power over him.

True forgiveness involves more than saying the words. It involves letting go in a way that frees both parties from grudges and guilt. The phrase “forgive and forget” is often used because without forgetting, there is no true forgiveness.

Forgetting doesn’t mean we don’t remember an incident; it means we voluntarily let go of our right to punish an offender and fully and unconditionally release the wrongdoer from further penalty. In effect, we cancel the moral debt.

When a relationship has been damaged by a hurtful act, the victim can choose to hold on to righteous anger and pain or let them go so the wound can heal and the relationship can flourish. In the end, holding on to a grudge could damage Tracy’s marriage more than Tony’s indecent kiss.

Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally and it isn’t easy, but it’s both generous and wise.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.